Published on 12, July, 2020
So last night I realised the possible cause of an issue I experience with my wife but have no idea how to conquer it.
I really struggle with just kissing and don’t do it that often, I find if I kiss my wife it will lead to the feelings of wanting more and if she says no (which she’s very much entitled to and is normal to say no because who’s wants it all the time right lol) I feel very rejected, and this feels horrible! I then start feeling unloved and that she’s not interested (doubt that’s the case) which leads to me being even more withdrawn and less intimate.
I’ve posted a little while ago with the issues of not letting people get close to me out of fear of being hurt and find that this new revelation contributes to this issue even more. I just don’t know what to do, it’s like I want to feel emotion good or bad in regards to my wife but emotions confuse me and cause distress, my own and others, and I tend to subconscious shut my self off to them to the best of my ability.
This results in a very lonely existence,
I feel I must add that I’m aspergers and the wife is NT. Don’t know if that’ll make a difference or not though.
I'm the same to be honest, but then I simply don't initiate anything intimate anymore. The trouble with this policy, is that everthing is determined by my wife, whether I'm in the mood or not and just have except that if she gets "fruity" then I have to go with the flow, because i wont know when the next time will happen :(
It’s a good policy in the sense you get to avoid the confusion and hurt but as the wife is NT I feel she needs the intimacy from me to show that the relationship is working and I fear if I shut off to the emotions she may go else where to get emotional intimacy.