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Ex husband with aspergers. No contact with his children

NAS64355

I am separated from my husband and living separtely now over a year. During that time he rarely contacts me or my 3 young children. There is always an excuse of why he cannot see them or doesn't call them. I have been at my wits end worrying about the effect on our children and trying to keep him involved in his children's lives. He is not intentionally being hurtful and I know that. However I'm struggling with how to explain this to my children who will no doubt be deeply affected by this. Any one else experienced this abandonment? 

Parents

  • There are a couple of probabilities - first - he's an a-hole.    Can't really fix that.

    Second is that his life is too stressful and by the time he sorts his brain out to find time for the kids, he misses the opportunity.    It might not be deliberate at all - it's just he can't process the big change in his life and rearrange his priorities to make things happen in the correct order.

    I don't know what your relationship is like right now, but are you able to talk about this rationally?    Are you able to ask him what is going wrong?    These things are awkward and there's lots of anger involved - and his inability to deal with that will also make him avoid it - he won't be able to work out what to do - there are no obvious rules - so the end result will be inaction on his part.   

    There is probably no deliberate neglect of his children - he just hasn't a clue what to do.

    Would he be able to Skype with them?     It's low effort and simple to do - and it re-connects him with the kids and will constantly remind him of his obligations - and having simple success will level the playing field in his brain so he can make the next move - a regular physical meeting.   It can turn his chaos into something predictable - a tele-present dad!  Smiley

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  • There are a couple of probabilities - first - he's an a-hole.    Can't really fix that.

    Second is that his life is too stressful and by the time he sorts his brain out to find time for the kids, he misses the opportunity.    It might not be deliberate at all - it's just he can't process the big change in his life and rearrange his priorities to make things happen in the correct order.

    I don't know what your relationship is like right now, but are you able to talk about this rationally?    Are you able to ask him what is going wrong?    These things are awkward and there's lots of anger involved - and his inability to deal with that will also make him avoid it - he won't be able to work out what to do - there are no obvious rules - so the end result will be inaction on his part.   

    There is probably no deliberate neglect of his children - he just hasn't a clue what to do.

    Would he be able to Skype with them?     It's low effort and simple to do - and it re-connects him with the kids and will constantly remind him of his obligations - and having simple success will level the playing field in his brain so he can make the next move - a regular physical meeting.   It can turn his chaos into something predictable - a tele-present dad!  Smiley

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