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Does anyone else have these struggles?

Jen25

Hi everyone, I am new to this community and have not yet received a diagnosis, however I have now been referred for diagnosis by my gp. I am just posting because I am wondering if anyone else experiences anything similar to me and how they have coped. 

I am not entirely sure if this is a symptom of autism but I am battling an unusual phobia. I have an intense fear of being in buildings alone, including my own home. As you can imagine this is very difficult to deal with, particularly when I struggle with working because of social issues and everyone in my family works. It means that I am left alone all day with no support and I absolutely will not be in the house so I end up just drifting about all day. I am in the process of starting a part time job which will help my situation but I am very worried about how I will cope. 

It drives me mad struggling with working. I find working with others and meeting new people so so difficult. I have every desire to work and I am in no way lazy. I am more than willing to work really hard. It is just the social and routine aspect. It's very very difficult for me. 

Interviews are difficult too because a lot of eye contact is expected and I tend to find that if someone makes eye contact with me I am then unable to answer their question or sometimes even remember what they asked me! 

No one really knows I am struggling because I am so good at making behaviours. I do have a couple of friends and I have talked to them about this and they do feel like they can see the behaviours in me which indicate autism. But I have not talked to my mum about this at all as I know she will get upset and then I will become overwhelmed by her emotional response possibly leading me to some kind of meltdown. 

Bit of a ranting post so I apologise for that! 

Thanks to anyone who read this x

Parents
    • I find that if i am the house on my own, i will lay in bed with the curtains closed listening to music. But i make myself get up and take the dog for a walk. At least when I'm at wirk i have to actually do something :) Of course eye contact with strangers is an issue and J find, even with friends that once i start talking, I am always looking away. Many of us can social mask and the more familiar the setting the easier it is. This is why close friends and family don't believe we have a problem. My wife of 20years refuses to acknowledge my ASC (Aspergers) diagnosis :(. For me, low doses of anti-depression medication takes the edge if my anxiety, so that i am able to cope at work. At least if you get a diagnosis you should be able to get more help (counselling etc)?? 
Reply
    • I find that if i am the house on my own, i will lay in bed with the curtains closed listening to music. But i make myself get up and take the dog for a walk. At least when I'm at wirk i have to actually do something :) Of course eye contact with strangers is an issue and J find, even with friends that once i start talking, I am always looking away. Many of us can social mask and the more familiar the setting the easier it is. This is why close friends and family don't believe we have a problem. My wife of 20years refuses to acknowledge my ASC (Aspergers) diagnosis :(. For me, low doses of anti-depression medication takes the edge if my anxiety, so that i am able to cope at work. At least if you get a diagnosis you should be able to get more help (counselling etc)?? 
Children
  • in reply to JohnS

    To be honest I am already taking mirtazapine and aripiprazole for anxiety and mood problems and they don't seem to do anything aside from help me sleep, which I guess is something! I am just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. Like now I feel as if I know what's wrong I don't feel like anyone will ever understand me or treat me the same. I am struggling too with friends. I have the same problem with always looking away from them and finding eye contact difficult. And I feel as if my friends will pick me up and drop me when they feel like it anyway. Like I don't have anyone who is really there and who really gets me. Thank you for responding to me again. Makes me feel a bit less alone.