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Does anyone else have these struggles?

Jen25

Hi everyone, I am new to this community and have not yet received a diagnosis, however I have now been referred for diagnosis by my gp. I am just posting because I am wondering if anyone else experiences anything similar to me and how they have coped. 

I am not entirely sure if this is a symptom of autism but I am battling an unusual phobia. I have an intense fear of being in buildings alone, including my own home. As you can imagine this is very difficult to deal with, particularly when I struggle with working because of social issues and everyone in my family works. It means that I am left alone all day with no support and I absolutely will not be in the house so I end up just drifting about all day. I am in the process of starting a part time job which will help my situation but I am very worried about how I will cope. 

It drives me mad struggling with working. I find working with others and meeting new people so so difficult. I have every desire to work and I am in no way lazy. I am more than willing to work really hard. It is just the social and routine aspect. It's very very difficult for me. 

Interviews are difficult too because a lot of eye contact is expected and I tend to find that if someone makes eye contact with me I am then unable to answer their question or sometimes even remember what they asked me! 

No one really knows I am struggling because I am so good at making behaviours. I do have a couple of friends and I have talked to them about this and they do feel like they can see the behaviours in me which indicate autism. But I have not talked to my mum about this at all as I know she will get upset and then I will become overwhelmed by her emotional response possibly leading me to some kind of meltdown. 

Bit of a ranting post so I apologise for that! 

Thanks to anyone who read this x

  • Hello, and welcome to the forum! I have been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD. Feel free to ask any questions and read my profile.

    I think that the phobia that you could be referring to is Autophobia as one of the symptoms is "A dread of being alone or isolated".

    I am finding it difficult to find a position of employment, despite the fact that I have disclosed my condition ever since I was diagnosed. When I am speaking to people, such as in an interview, I tend to consciously retain eye contact, as I know that breaking at while speaking to someone in against etiquette.

    Should you get a diagnosis of Autism, it would be best to disclose it to those around you. Simply so that they are kept in the loop and there is nothing more serious going on. In your workplace, they would be obliged to provide you with the support that you require.

  • in reply to JohnS

    To be honest I am already taking mirtazapine and aripiprazole for anxiety and mood problems and they don't seem to do anything aside from help me sleep, which I guess is something! I am just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. Like now I feel as if I know what's wrong I don't feel like anyone will ever understand me or treat me the same. I am struggling too with friends. I have the same problem with always looking away from them and finding eye contact difficult. And I feel as if my friends will pick me up and drop me when they feel like it anyway. Like I don't have anyone who is really there and who really gets me. Thank you for responding to me again. Makes me feel a bit less alone. 

    • I find that if i am the house on my own, i will lay in bed with the curtains closed listening to music. But i make myself get up and take the dog for a walk. At least when I'm at wirk i have to actually do something :) Of course eye contact with strangers is an issue and J find, even with friends that once i start talking, I am always looking away. Many of us can social mask and the more familiar the setting the easier it is. This is why close friends and family don't believe we have a problem. My wife of 20years refuses to acknowledge my ASC (Aspergers) diagnosis :(. For me, low doses of anti-depression medication takes the edge if my anxiety, so that i am able to cope at work. At least if you get a diagnosis you should be able to get more help (counselling etc)?? 
    • I find that if i am the house on my own, i will lay in bed with the curtains closed listening to music. But i make myself get up and take the dog for a walk. At least when I'm at wirk i have to actually do something :) Of course eye contact with strangers is an issue and J find, even with friends that once i start talking, I am always looking away. Many of us can social mask and the more familiar the setting the easier it is. This is why close friends and family don't believe we have a problem. My wife of 20years refuses to acknowledge my ASC (Aspergers) diagnosis :(. For me, low doses of anti-depression medication takes the edge if my anxiety, so that i am able to cope at work. At least if you get a diagnosis you should be able to get more help (counselling etc)??