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How not to irritate your loved ones with special interests

Fraiselongue

I haven't been on here much as

a) the site has been very slow to load and

b) I just got a new special interest, which feels very much like an addiction for me at first.

I'm just wondering how other people manage when they're in the initial throes of a new obsession and only want to talk about that obsession, but their family/friends have zero interest in it?

I'm very aware that my poor husband has to put up with this quite often and he gets quite p'd off with me constantly quoting things or trying to share videos that to me are the most interesting things in the world but to him hold no interest.

It's not even like you can share your excitement with other autistic people as the likelihood is that they won't share your interest either and we're generally even worse at feigning interest.

So do most people just keep it to themselves? Wait until it's less intense? Or do you seek out online communities?

My current special interest is a musician who is very famous so there are lots of pubescent girls posting hundreds of photos but it's not a sexual thing at all for me and I wouldn't want to chat with a load of teenagers. Years ago there were lots of fan forums for most TV shows and bands but they all seem to have vanished.

I'm rambling but I'd be interested to hear others' experiences and feelings on this.

Thank you.

  • in reply to PINARELLO F8

    My poor husband has had to put up with a lot of plants in the house over the years. I used to be mad on gardening and grew everything from seed. 

    I'm impressed by your cacti. I started a collection as a teenager but they all died. 

  • in reply to Nessie

    Yep, totally. Sometimes I'll be reminded of an obsession I used to have and think wtf? With other things they endure over years and decades.

    I met my husband very young so he's the only serious relationship I've had but with friends I find they very rarely last very long. It's not normally me getting bored with them, they just fizzle out.

  • in reply to Starbuck
    Starbuck said:
    Do your interests come and go quickly, or do they last for a while? Mine differ, but short-term ones hit me hard and go as quickly as they hit me.

    That's really interesting to hear. I always thought it was just me with short-term special interests, which didn't count as autism and instead were my own personality flaw, as they seemed to brush past this quite quickly during my ASD Assessment (but maybe it just felt quick to me as I wanted to talk more about it. LOL).

    Fraiselongue said:
    the short term ones are insanely intense

    I totally get the insane intensity of it—it's as if nothing else in the world matters and you will never care about anything other than this particular thing. Then, a couple of weeks later, you're totally over it and moved on to the next thing, which you're certain, this time, is THE thing against which nothing else in the world does or will matter ever again...I think it's why I've always struggled to follow a particular path academically or as a career. I soak everything up as quickly as possible, and as soon as the novelty or challenge has gone, I move on. Growing up, my family would get pretty sick of it (I wasn't dx'ed until age 30), and it was yet another aspect of my behaviour that didn't meet with approval.

    I was always like it with relationships too, which never lasted more than a few weeks or months. My fiancé keeps asking me whether I will get bored of him, and I keep telling him, no, because I never found him interesting to start with. He's not sure whether to be relieved or hurt at that point, but I tell him I believe it's a good thing as it's not something I've experienced with anyone else (and we've been together nearly 5 years now), so he feels quite special in his boredom-proof-ness, which he absolutely is.

  • I started a new special interest about 6 months ago. Collecting Cacti

    I have collected 120 over that time. I have spent most of the summer visiting various garden centres and trawling the internet.

    I keep them in an unheated greenhouse. The last few days I have had to relocate them into the house for the winter. I'm waiting for my wife to start complaining any day.

  • in reply to Starbuck

    Since the internet came along the short term ones are insanely intense. Whereas before I might just listen to the same music over and over, read articles in magazines, and before social media I would join a forum, exchange bootleg tapes etc, now everything is available immediately. I can drop my daughter at school and it will be time to pick up and all I've done is watch interviews all day. 

    Then when I've watched/read/listened to everything available it's like a bereavement or going cold turkey (not that I've ever taken drugs... would definitely get addicted!).

    I suspect that if I didn't have the internet, I would have fewer of these intense short term interests. Having said that I LOVE it during that first week. It's the same emotions as falling in love for me.

    I just wish I could keep my mouth shut about it. Smile

  • Do your interests come and go quickly, or do they last for a while? Mine differ, but short-term ones hit me hard and go as quickly as they hit me. These interests I find hard to contain as I want to absorb it rapidly and that means talking about it as well. I am getting better at this though and will often take time out alone to focus on it and not disturb others around me. Longterm ones are easier to manage and I don't feel as compelled to share them unless people ask me questions on the subjects or are curious.