Finally realised I need supported housing

This may not be the place to talk about all this but I've no-one to talk to about it so going to share it here.

I thought I was working on things and making a bit of progress, but I had a meltdown the other day, a few things got to me and didn't handle them very well, but its made me realise I've been living in denial about myself and where I am.  I've been living with my partner for 10 years, and its been very difficult for me because her childrens behaviour has been, and still is, challenging and I've got very depressed and angry about it - usually taking it out on her.  I'm a weak man, and they are strong - but not strong in terms of courage or resilience (they struggle in a lot of ways), just strong in terms of being angry/demanding/controlling/intimidating.  At first I just took all the mocking and intimidation as just typical teenage behaviour, and as a result of their difficult childhood, but they once accessed my PC and found out personal stuff - it wasn't a phase, its a constant thing and its probably normal behaviour these days with social media etc.   I tried standing up to them a long time ago but didn't do it well, so it didn't work, and fear it has made things worse.  My confidence is very low, and I don't leave the house very often.  To make matters worse, when I've been out in the garden I've had neighbours shout out intimidating things like 'retard' or 'get a job, ha ha ha!' which has increased my feelings of paranoia and lack of confidence.  There's a lot of loud and intimidating people around here, its me that dragged myself into it all without thinking. I've mentioned things to my partner and she just says I'm imagining it, she also says I'm pathetic - I feel like I've lost her, but I don't blame her as I know I'm weak.

I've tried CBT and mindfulness, which has helped, but my mind is still scrambled and constantly dragging up painful memories and thoughts which I struggle to stop, and if I do it just starts up again.

I'm at a low point, and was tempted by suicide yesterday, but basically its woken me up to the fact I'm in the wrong place, and need to find supported housing so I can get some support (my partner doesn't want anyone coming in). I've felt hopeless for too long, thats not the answer.

I don't know how to get supported housing, all I know is I need it, so I will have to see what I can sort out.

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