ASD assessment as an Adult (how to ask for parental involvement?)

Hi! Ideally you take a family member along who can give a developmental history BUT it is not essential I was diagnosed without taking a family member with me. That said, as a mum myself I don't think that it should affect your relationship with your mum by asking her to attend the assessment. Why do you think she would react adversely to this?

She reacted adversely in the past. She said I was being irrational and that I was copying others around me. I'm worried she'll turn it on me again. Even if the assessment is negative this has been burning in my head for 8 years. I now work with children with ASD and have helped mark up ADOS's as part of my course. I think I now know enough for someone to take my concerns seriously and I just hate the idea of my Mum being disappointed or ashamed.

No one grows up wanting to be diagnosed as autistic, unless they actually are and are struggling with its impacts. My mother was always quite dismissive of my various health problems throughout my teenage years, and it was only as an adult I was able to get some major diagnoses (Asperger's, CFS, endometriosis, food intolerances). Admittedly, she worked in a hospital so felt she had reasonable knowledge, but nothing compared to what we can find now on the internet.

Unfortunately, my mother has since developed schizophrenia so I haven't been able to discuss my diagnoses with her in any meaningful way, but, knowing the woman she was, I'm sure it wouldn't be disappointment or shame she would feel, but rather guilt for not having taken my concerns seriously at an earlier age and enabling me to access the support that I needed.

As others have said, it's a preference rather than a prerequisite to have a parent provide a developmental history. My father did mine, but by his own admission really couldn't remember all that much (I coached him ahead of time on a few key things that stuck out from my childhood which he had witnessed i.e. that happened when he wasn't at work etc.), and were in direct contrast to my brother's behaviour/responses, who is NT and close in age to me.

Maybe if you could try explaining to her calmly and rationally that you are pursuing an ASD assessment and your top three reasons for doing so. You could then mention that they welcome parental input but it really isn't necessary to secure diagnosis as the assessor will be well-placed to determine this from your self-reported history, experiences and tests so it's no big deal if she'd rather not be involved.

No one grows up wanting to be diagnosed as autistic, unless they actually are and are struggling with its impacts. My mother was always quite dismissive of my various health problems throughout my teenage years, and it was only as an adult I was able to get some major diagnoses (Asperger's, CFS, endometriosis, food intolerances). Admittedly, she worked in a hospital so felt she had reasonable knowledge, but nothing compared to what we can find now on the internet.

Unfortunately, my mother has since developed schizophrenia so I haven't been able to discuss my diagnoses with her in any meaningful way, but, knowing the woman she was, I'm sure it wouldn't be disappointment or shame she would feel, but rather guilt for not having taken my concerns seriously at an earlier age and enabling me to access the support that I needed.

As others have said, it's a preference rather than a prerequisite to have a parent provide a developmental history. My father did mine, but by his own admission really couldn't remember all that much (I coached him ahead of time on a few key things that stuck out from my childhood which he had witnessed i.e. that happened when he wasn't at work etc.), and were in direct contrast to my brother's behaviour/responses, who is NT and close in age to me.

Maybe if you could try explaining to her calmly and rationally that you are pursuing an ASD assessment and your top three reasons for doing so. You could then mention that they welcome parental input but it really isn't necessary to secure diagnosis as the assessor will be well-placed to determine this from your self-reported history, experiences and tests so it's no big deal if she'd rather not be involved.