Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve just joined this community because my partner and I are working through living life with his diagnoses ASD. I have trouble approaching him for sex because I’m worried that because he becomes fixated on the one thing he is doing at the time that he will end up becoming anxious if I spontaneously approach him for sex and he will end up having a meltdown and i can’t help but sometimes feel hurt even though I fully support and understand him. Does anyone have any tips? I’m also very shy so have trouble being direct about what I want when it comes to these situations and know he needs direct speech to understand.
I sympathise. We think my wife may have an undiagnosed ASC (traits diagnosed as OCD resemble PDA with which our eldest child has been diagnosed). I have tried to find a way round the problem you describe by us developing ways to plan ahead. This does rule out spontaneity (which we used to have more when we were younger). Having a euphemism helps me feel less awkward initiating hours beforehand and lets her know I'm especially in the mood. Of course there's plenty of time for one or both of us to get too tired, stressed, etc., but generally it gets us past the problem you describe. (re direct speech, I get it; once we established the euphamism, it worked like direct speech because it's what we said when we meant 'have sex'.) One drawback is taht if I miss the window for initiating because something is distracting my wife, it's hard to initiate later. but it sort of works. good luck!