Standing up to people

I don't know if it's an autistic thing, but I definitely have a problem with this. Oddly enough, if I see/hear someone else being victimised/bullied, I will speak up and stick up for them. However, I find it much harder (often impossible) to stand up for myself. I was recently bullied at work and although I did eventually say something to the person in question and my manager, I made far too many allowances before getting to that point, and even then, I don't feel I did enough. I feel like they got away with it. Sometimes, it's a processing issue (e.g. by the time I've processed what the person's said, they've walked away and I've lost my chance to respond). Other times, I don't realise that I'm being victimised until after the event (e.g. when I reflect on it later, or when someone else points it out). I also hate being rude, so I'll sometimes refrain from standing up for myself if I can't think of a way to do so respectfully (even if they've been disrespectful to me).

I can fully relate to what you're saying about agonising over it for days or weeks. I'll often replay conversations and wish I'd spoken up or been stronger.

I'll stick up for others - no problem at all. I'm just not good at sticking up for myself.

Exactly this  ^^^^   It takes me far too long to figure out if what is being said to me is overstepping the mark.

Like you, I can measure it from the outside looking in when other people are being abused and will step in on their behalf - I just can't do it for myself in a timely way - and yes, I process it for days, weeks or months afterwards trying to make sense of the interaction and trying to figure out if I was at fault.

Me too, me too!

My fiancé used to get really frustrated with me for this until I explained what’s going on in my head when it happens. I much prefer it when people text or email me so I have time to figure out how to respond appropriately. I find real-time conversations (either in person or on the phone) really stressful and generally always submit to the other person’s wishes, even when it’s not what I want.

We’ve now agreed that he’s in charge of all the real-time comms and I deal with all the written stuff, but it’s been a hard-won realisation. Last year, we had new bathrooms fitted which resulted in £1,000 worth of flood damage to the downstairs neighbour. She left it a week before reporting it to us so the damage was worse than it should have been (i.e. she was part liable for damage) and the plumber had cut corners which made the flooding much more likely in the first place (i.e. he was at least part liable too). Of course, they were all coming at me in person and I ended up paying the full £1,000 myself at a time when I was sick, unable to work and not entitled to any sick pay or benefits. As we live in a flat, the buildings insurance is part of our service charges but they recently put up the excess to £2,000 for escape of water so we weren’t covered and didn’t know.

My fiancé is still REALLY angry about the whole thing, but I just keep telling him this is the reality of being sick and autistic. People take advantage.

Hopefully you'll feel better once the tooth situation improves then :) xx

Thank you so much for your kind words.

It’s just the net result of having had an infected wisdom tooth for the last few weeks on top of my other health issues, and then having said tooth removed under anaesthetic on Monday. I’m sure I’ll start feeling better soon now that it’s out. xx

Thank you so much for your kind words.

It’s just the net result of having had an infected wisdom tooth for the last few weeks on top of my other health issues, and then having said tooth removed under anaesthetic on Monday. I’m sure I’ll start feeling better soon now that it’s out. xx

Hopefully you'll feel better once the tooth situation improves then :) xx