Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm feeling it today & need to write this:
I'm now trying hard to live in a way that is kind to me, to avoid repeating a burnout. It was a frightening experience and literally nearly killed me. Living by my new rules provides a healthy level of stress.
But, back in the work environment, the "do what everyone else does" drive is seductive. It whispers in my ear that it will be OK, I'm not really that different, and *everyone* does it - this is normal; go back to what you've been taught by observation since you were a child!. And when something unexpected happens at work, my mind empties of thoughts and there is total vacuum where my mental "to do" list was. The wolf of stress huffing and puffing and blowing down the straw house of executive functioning.
I might have to use the phrase "I need to hide today" and hope people understand, because I can't bare to go through the explanations of autism and how it affects me and how exhausting social interaction is.
we all feel for you and hope you well
Could you send a group email to all your colleagues (written when you feel up to it) to explain the basics, and have a code word/phrase to let them know when you need space? I will flat out say 'I'm not talking today' to mine and as they've got to know me, they've learnt not to take it personally, though it can be awkard at first.