Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. This is my second post. I am in my late 40s and realised a few months ago that I am Autistic. I am not sure if I will seek a diagnosis as I’m not sure it will help in any way. Having realised, my first response was relief but I have also been dealing with a little grief when thinking about how I could have been kinder to myself through my life and perhaps sought help for areas in which I have difficulties. Occasionally I have even been having sudden moments of almost excitement in the realisation that I can be myself now. I haven’t felt myself in so very long. Just recently however I have found that I am not coping with things that I do struggle with as well as I usually do. Stuff like noise and people talking to me when I am needing time alone or people upsetting my plans ( even stupid domestic ones like what order to sweep and vacuum in - my poor husband). Has anyone else dealt with this on diagnosis/ realisation? Am I letting my guard down because I’ve realised what I have been doing and I’m sick of it? Am I just letting go because I need to? Or am I just being selfish. Am I over analysing? Thanks
The ‘penny drop moment’ when you realise that you are autistic is such a revelation and the mixture of relief mixed with regret is a very common reaction that many people including myself have had. I think the effort of trying to fit in with others but never quite managing it, is bound to catch up with us eventually. If you are sure then it might be worth pursuing diagnosis. I have found my diagnosis incredibly liberating, I don’t need to keep trying to fit it any more and even more importantly, I now know why I don’t fit in and it’s ok.
Thanks Kitsun. I am kind of on the fence with diagnosis. I guess if it helps people understand that this is how I am it could be worth it.
Try not to worry about other people. If it helps you to understand and to be kinder to yourself then it is worth it.