Published on 12, July, 2020
My thoughts seem to continuously flip-flop between "Yay! I'm me, isn't it great! I understand now!" and "I f**** hate this situation! Three decades of stress that could have been avoided & relationships that could have grown more easily!".
Those thoughts by the way are meant only as illustrations of the types of thoughts that lead to two opposing feelings of a) feeling comfortable in my own skin and optimistic vs b) feeling angry about - I'm not exactly sure what.
I'm fully aware that the "flop" side - negativity, despair, anger, "if only" - is unproductive. But it still arrives in my head.
Anyone else get this?
Of course, the flip-flop of living in a world of grey, when you think black/white, trying to find the right medium.
I love it that I am different, operate/think different yet hate it that it opens up the use/abuse/bullying of Its who have no concept/care of my mental health/wellbeing.
I love the popularity of being seen as the specialist/expert in something and the person to help yet hate it that the damagement have no concept that it reduces my stress/anxiety.
Then you can add in how, during the past 40 years, equality/discrimination rules/laws have improved but in the real world it is all talk. The point where Mental Health/Lifelong conditions become as high profile as PRIDE is the day the diverse population get recognised.
Being a perfectionist, hating unfairness, and taking things to heart and ruminating on the worst case scenario hits all the crumple buttons of the downside to my life experiences.