Published on 12, July, 2020
My thoughts seem to continuously flip-flop between "Yay! I'm me, isn't it great! I understand now!" and "I f**** hate this situation! Three decades of stress that could have been avoided & relationships that could have grown more easily!".
Those thoughts by the way are meant only as illustrations of the types of thoughts that lead to two opposing feelings of a) feeling comfortable in my own skin and optimistic vs b) feeling angry about - I'm not exactly sure what.
I'm fully aware that the "flop" side - negativity, despair, anger, "if only" - is unproductive. But it still arrives in my head.
Anyone else get this?
I'm firmly on the hate side at the moment... Utterly sick to death of it. The negatives are far outweighing the positives. I'm waiting for it to pass, like it usually does. Problem is while it's bad, it doesn't feel like there's a way out or that it'll ever pass. I'm alone surrounded by people again. I'm on the outside looking in at my life as if somebody else is living it for me. I need time to slow down and allow me to catch back up...
I will try and remember to come back to this and comment when I'm feeling positive and reflect.
At least there's some comfort in the company, for me at least - thanks for sharing.