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Not connected to mum and dad

Gaza69
over 4 years ago

Hi there everybody ive just been diagnosed  2 months ago with moderate to severe asd and i feel so stuck with what to talk about. My mother asks me how i am and i tell the truth im overwelmed with the world etc. It seems to set her off on the defence.  She hasnt been  supportive of the diagnosis  and i feel resentment  building. I have my wife and 2 kids 6 and 1 but my household so noisy i have regular meltdowns, i walk around with massive headphones all day at home which are really uncomftable. When my mum and dad come around i feel this horrible negative energy all of a sudden(i can feel their emotions) which makes me on edge.6 people  in my house at 1 time makes me on edge it feels so hard to deal with. Cant actually be bothered with this as it all drains me. I dont know how to communicate this. Nice to be part of this community to offload.x

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    You're only recently diagnosed so you'll need a bit of time to process what it all means to you.    I've boiled it all down to not being able to cope with unpredictability - so what you need to do is look at your life and relationships and try to stabilise them into something you have more control of.    A noisy household and the chaos and randomness of kids is going to be difficult.    Routines are your friend - try to get the kids into a simple, predictable routine so you - and they - know what's expected and what's coming up next.   

    How does your wife interact with you?   Is it calm and straightforward?   Random emotions complicate issues.

    Wandering around with headphones is not taking charge of your life - you're letting everyone impinge on you without setting your own boundaries and rules - and your parents arriving is just adding to it all.

    It I was you, I'd take charge - the easiest change is to visit your parents at their house - then you decide when you've had enough - also, the kids become their problem for a while so let them entertain you all.

    How did you tell them of your diagnosis?   Did you present like a petulant child telling your parents that it's their fault for producing a faulty child?   Do they feel responsible and rejected because of your diagnosis?

    Do you know how you feel?   I don't.   There's so many things going on in my head that a simple, direct question like that is like jamming a spanner in the gears - I glitch - do they REALLY want to know or are they just making polite conversation?

    Why not spend some time writing down how you feel about the whole thing - it might enable you to tidy things up in your own mind and could give you the clarity to work out an action plan of how to reduce your stress.

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    You're only recently diagnosed so you'll need a bit of time to process what it all means to you.    I've boiled it all down to not being able to cope with unpredictability - so what you need to do is look at your life and relationships and try to stabilise them into something you have more control of.    A noisy household and the chaos and randomness of kids is going to be difficult.    Routines are your friend - try to get the kids into a simple, predictable routine so you - and they - know what's expected and what's coming up next.   

    How does your wife interact with you?   Is it calm and straightforward?   Random emotions complicate issues.

    Wandering around with headphones is not taking charge of your life - you're letting everyone impinge on you without setting your own boundaries and rules - and your parents arriving is just adding to it all.

    It I was you, I'd take charge - the easiest change is to visit your parents at their house - then you decide when you've had enough - also, the kids become their problem for a while so let them entertain you all.

    How did you tell them of your diagnosis?   Did you present like a petulant child telling your parents that it's their fault for producing a faulty child?   Do they feel responsible and rejected because of your diagnosis?

    Do you know how you feel?   I don't.   There's so many things going on in my head that a simple, direct question like that is like jamming a spanner in the gears - I glitch - do they REALLY want to know or are they just making polite conversation?

    Why not spend some time writing down how you feel about the whole thing - it might enable you to tidy things up in your own mind and could give you the clarity to work out an action plan of how to reduce your stress.

Children