Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there everybody ive just been diagnosed 2 months ago with moderate to severe asd and i feel so stuck with what to talk about. My mother asks me how i am and i tell the truth im overwelmed with the world etc. It seems to set her off on the defence. She hasnt been supportive of the diagnosis and i feel resentment building. I have my wife and 2 kids 6 and 1 but my household so noisy i have regular meltdowns, i walk around with massive headphones all day at home which are really uncomftable. When my mum and dad come around i feel this horrible negative energy all of a sudden(i can feel their emotions) which makes me on edge.6 people in my house at 1 time makes me on edge it feels so hard to deal with. Cant actually be bothered with this as it all drains me. I dont know how to communicate this. Nice to be part of this community to offload.x
I've struggled with my relationship with my parents since I left school (30 odd years ago!). I'm sure my dad's autistic and I've just been diagnosed. My mum comes across to me as a narcissist who's in a codependent relationship with dad. Now that I have my diagnosis which has shone a light on dad too, my mum *says* that it helps her to understand, but I'm not convinced. From her perspective it helps her understand why she's had a raw deal from life and had a son who doesn't want much to do with her, but she doesn't understand or ask about how it affects me. I know what you mean about a house full of relatives - hard to find some space (I've hid in the toilet before now!).
Could you experiment with more comfortable headphones / earbuds? If not, I'm sure if you keep talking here someone will help you come up with ways to explain your needs in a factual non-threatening way (if you haven't already). If you've done that, you've done your best and, in theory, shouldn't feel guilt for looking after your needs - but I say "in theory", because I know how hard it is to prioritise our own needs when that flies in the face of social conditioning.