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Dating

Buddylove

Hi I'm 30 and had a terrible dating history. 

I'd like to have a relationship with someone then I wonder who would really truly understand my quirks and social awkwardness. I'm not grate with small talk so dating apps are crap for me as I can never do that beginning bit. 

When I've been in a relationship they don't understand why I don't want to go to the pub with them and friends but would rather choose a quiet night in or a night drive where its all quite. So hard to explain the sensory issues and even harder to explain the social issues I encounter I have learnt to mimic people in these situations but doing it at work is so mentally tiring I don't want to go through it all again in my down time.

Am I the only person who feels like this?

How am I meant to have a so called 'normal' relationship with someone? 

  • in reply to mark-x ramirez

    get another girlfriend --- u've  done it once,,,,, u can do it again Slight smile

  • in reply to mark-x ramirez

    Relationships are hard - trying to match all your wants and needs with another random person with the same wants and needs is a tricky numbers game.    It worth joining lots of social groups just to meet people in a group - it's easier to function in a group - more people means less stress to perform as an individual.

    What hobbies and interests do you have?

  • i am 17 & so stupid. i had a girlfriend who was 1 year younger than me & she broke up w/ me. it made me so pissed...at myself

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I'm like this. My husband understands and we have what many would deem a normal relationship. He's a very social creature and I do join him at the odd big night out buts it's only a few times a year and I compromise as these are occasion when it means a lot to him for me to be there, such as his friend's weddings. The rest of the time we go for meals (early bird as I hate to move my routine), walks, running together etc. He tends to do the group stuff with his brothers or friends and I get a bit of me time.

    We met through a dating app but I've always found them to be really useful as you can get an idea of whether someone would want to socialise in a group regularly through there photo's and bio, so it's easy to dismiss them before I've invested any time. Chatting via apps also gives me an idea of what I could talk about on the first date.

    I only met my partner when I was 34. He was the first person I dated after finding out I was autistic, which made it a lot easier to explain why I live my life a certain way and to have my needs accepted. Meeting when we were older was also useful as my OH had learnt from his previous mistakes so we were able to have more open and honest conversations.

  • I've mentioned this many times before but 1:1 dating is very hard - way too much pressure to perform - and everything to lose if you screw up.

    It's worth joining Meetup.com to get yourself out socially where you can practice your social game until you feel you're getting more comfortable with the small talk.

    It's NOT a dating site, but you'll get to meet lots of people at group events like coffee meets, cinema, pubs, bowling etc. and you might find a group near you that you really enjoy.    The more people you meet, the more your personality can shine out and there's a chance you could meet someone at an event that you click with - and as they already know you, the awkward ice-braking has already happened - it makes any future dates much less stress.

    You haver to remember, you're not the only one worried about relationships - everyone else is in the same boat - but maybe better at hiding it.