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Worries about going back to uni

Proud Snowflake

Hi everyone,

I'm just going into my second year of uni and I absolutely love it. I love everything about uni...my course, the campus, the city, going out at night, and finally living away from home and having my freedom. I've met lots of absolutely lovely people, however, I'm a little bit down as I'm realising that whilst I have made lots of friends, I haven't really got any best friends. I was close to pretty much everyone in my flat but decided not to go back into halls as there were a lot of ups and downs in the flat and I know I just couldn't go through that again. I've decided to live in a studio flat for the semester that I'm in the UK this year, and although I know this is for the best, I'm aware that I might be condemning myself to a very lonely life. My best friends were my flatmates, and I'm worried that it might turn out that the only thing that really held us together was the flat and that they'll all go off with their new housemates and forget about me. I like most of the people on my course but I wouldn't say I'm actually friends with any of them. I'm a member of the Musical Theatre Society (MT Soc) and have opted to be a committee member in hope that it would get me more 'into the group', but I think it's MT Soc that fills me with dread more than anything else...although there are some lovely people, I feel so alone there, I'm painfully aware that I don't really fit in, and there are some people who are pretty condescending, dismissive, exclusive and downright rude to me, to be honest. If I'm being really truthful, I want to leave, but I'm too chicken to come out and say I do as I feel like I've messed the president of the society (who is one of the lovely ones) about enough already. I'm planning on joining the a capella society this year instead as my friend does it and says it's a lot more chilled than MT Soc and I love to sing but am not so great at dancing which is a problem at MT Soc, but it would be a pleasant surprise if I slotted in there without any problems.

So yes, I'm concerned that this upcoming year might be rubbish socially. I have so many wonderful things to look forward to...the city where my uni is has been my favourite city my whole life, and I'm going on a paid exchange scheme to Australia from February to June, so I'll be studying out there which will be absolutely incredible (although that will obviously bring its own host of anxieties!). But I'm so worried about the social side...I feel like this fear and isolation and agonising loneliness just never ends. It's been going on for all the 22 years I've been alive, and I'm pretty bored of it, to be honest.

i just feel like putting my head down and having a good cry, really, but that isn't an option because I don't want to worry my family; we've got my grandparents coming over for dinner in a bit. So yeah, I just wanted to reach out to people who might understand.

Thank you!

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    It sounds like you're doing all the right things, such as understanding your housing needs and making the appropriate changes, joining different clubs etc. If you're not happy with the MT Soc due to relations in the group it's right that you leave. As well as letting them know how great you thought they were, I'd politely explain your reasons why to the chair as the culture of the group, especially in regards to behaviour, is something they should be trying to manage.

    It comes across as though one of your problems might be fantasising that the grass is greener on the other side, which takes away from all the good things you have going and makes you feel a bit depressed? You have friends from your old flat and you've kept in touch with them, many people don't make any friends in first year. If you want to see these individuals regularly make sure you're making the effort to contact them and arrange things. If you think these friendships might dwindle you're already opening up your options with the new society, you could also look for a pt job as a way of meeting people. It takes a long time to make really good friends and these are often few in number. I didn't meet my best friend until the year after uni. My husband's close friends are all from his previous employment. 

    I lived in a studio flat when I was studying my PGCE and thought it was great. I was out most days and a few evenings a week socialised. The rest of the time it was my santury, where I was able to get the downtime I needed. I also loved all of the control I had, especially in relation to cleaning as I'd previously lived with a few messy individuals.

    I didn't know I was autistic when I was an undergrad so I wasn't as tuned in to my needs. Reading your post I'm really envious of how your approaching uni and what you have going for you. I became dependant on drugs in my first year to be able to cope with the social expectations so I think your doing really well and are a role model for other autistics. 

  • in reply to Former Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words - that last sentence nearly made me tear up! It's so reassuring to hear that your experience of a studio flat was so great - everything you're saying is exactly what I was hoping for when I was fighting to get a studio, so that's made me very excited. I think everything you're saying about me possibly feeling 'the grass is greener on the other side' is very wise and true - this has always been my issue! Well done you for getting through uni, especially seeing as it sounds like you had such a rough time, particularly during your first year.

    But yes, thank you so much. You've made me feel a lot more positive. Slight smile

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  • in reply to Former Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words - that last sentence nearly made me tear up! It's so reassuring to hear that your experience of a studio flat was so great - everything you're saying is exactly what I was hoping for when I was fighting to get a studio, so that's made me very excited. I think everything you're saying about me possibly feeling 'the grass is greener on the other side' is very wise and true - this has always been my issue! Well done you for getting through uni, especially seeing as it sounds like you had such a rough time, particularly during your first year.

    But yes, thank you so much. You've made me feel a lot more positive. Slight smile

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