Hi everyone,
I'm just going into my second year of uni and I absolutely love it. I love everything about uni...my course, the campus, the city, going out at night, and finally living away from home and having my freedom. I've met lots of absolutely lovely people, however, I'm a little bit down as I'm realising that whilst I have made lots of friends, I haven't really got any best friends. I was close to pretty much everyone in my flat but decided not to go back into halls as there were a lot of ups and downs in the flat and I know I just couldn't go through that again. I've decided to live in a studio flat for the semester that I'm in the UK this year, and although I know this is for the best, I'm aware that I might be condemning myself to a very lonely life. My best friends were my flatmates, and I'm worried that it might turn out that the only thing that really held us together was the flat and that they'll all go off with their new housemates and forget about me. I like most of the people on my course but I wouldn't say I'm actually friends with any of them. I'm a member of the Musical Theatre Society (MT Soc) and have opted to be a committee member in hope that it would get me more 'into the group', but I think it's MT Soc that fills me with dread more than anything else...although there are some lovely people, I feel so alone there, I'm painfully aware that I don't really fit in, and there are some people who are pretty condescending, dismissive, exclusive and downright rude to me, to be honest. If I'm being really truthful, I want to leave, but I'm too chicken to come out and say I do as I feel like I've messed the president of the society (who is one of the lovely ones) about enough already. I'm planning on joining the a capella society this year instead as my friend does it and says it's a lot more chilled than MT Soc and I love to sing but am not so great at dancing which is a problem at MT Soc, but it would be a pleasant surprise if I slotted in there without any problems.
So yes, I'm concerned that this upcoming year might be rubbish socially. I have so many wonderful things to look forward to...the city where my uni is has been my favourite city my whole life, and I'm going on a paid exchange scheme to Australia from February to June, so I'll be studying out there which will be absolutely incredible (although that will obviously bring its own host of anxieties!). But I'm so worried about the social side...I feel like this fear and isolation and agonising loneliness just never ends. It's been going on for all the 22 years I've been alive, and I'm pretty bored of it, to be honest.
i just feel like putting my head down and having a good cry, really, but that isn't an option because I don't want to worry my family; we've got my grandparents coming over for dinner in a bit. So yeah, I just wanted to reach out to people who might understand.
Thank you!