Great day then this happens

It happens to me too, I have a great day, can interact well for a change ( always "Winging it" though), feel relaxed and almost comfortable then I get home and realise that this was a one-off, there will never be any continuity and tomorrow will be pretty much the same as all of the other days. I may meet the same people and be expected to behave or speak in pretty much the same way but I never seem to be able to manage it and what appears to be seamless, easy and calm for everybody else for me becomes a desperate scramble to put together a "patchwork" to cover all of the gaps and voids I feel within myself so that I can get "in the game" again and fit in.  If it is not natural behaviour though, it can not be maintained for long and soon things start falling apart and I appear to be the square peg, I become embarrassed, feel uncomfortable, make mistakes and become an irritant to those around me.which inevitably leads to my isolation and nearly always-rejection.

 I will have had a taste of normality, have felt included and imagine that I am on the same page as everyone else for a change but the threads that link all of our activities and contacts together are missing so I revert to my hermit-like existence and patterns once again because for me, that's the only constant.

Thanks Blackbird it's great to speak to people with the same issues and stuff going on, looking at my diagnosis whenever it may be as a postive to finally improve Myslef even at the age of 37

Thanks Blackbird it's great to speak to people with the same issues and stuff going on, looking at my diagnosis whenever it may be as a postive to finally improve Myslef even at the age of 37