Great day then this happens

It happens to me too, I have a great day, can interact well for a change ( always "Winging it" though), feel relaxed and almost comfortable then I get home and realise that this was a one-off, there will never be any continuity and tomorrow will be pretty much the same as all of the other days. I may meet the same people and be expected to behave or speak in pretty much the same way but I never seem to be able to manage it and what appears to be seamless, easy and calm for everybody else for me becomes a desperate scramble to put together a "patchwork" to cover all of the gaps and voids I feel within myself so that I can get "in the game" again and fit in.  If it is not natural behaviour though, it can not be maintained for long and soon things start falling apart and I appear to be the square peg, I become embarrassed, feel uncomfortable, make mistakes and become an irritant to those around me.which inevitably leads to my isolation and nearly always-rejection.

 I will have had a taste of normality, have felt included and imagine that I am on the same page as everyone else for a change but the threads that link all of our activities and contacts together are missing so I revert to my hermit-like existence and patterns once again because for me, that's the only constant.

It happens to me too, I have a great day, can interact well for a change ( always "Winging it" though), feel relaxed and almost comfortable then I get home and realise that this was a one-off, there will never be any continuity and tomorrow will be pretty much the same as all of the other days. I may meet the same people and be expected to behave or speak in pretty much the same way but I never seem to be able to manage it and what appears to be seamless, easy and calm for everybody else for me becomes a desperate scramble to put together a "patchwork" to cover all of the gaps and voids I feel within myself so that I can get "in the game" again and fit in.  If it is not natural behaviour though, it can not be maintained for long and soon things start falling apart and I appear to be the square peg, I become embarrassed, feel uncomfortable, make mistakes and become an irritant to those around me.which inevitably leads to my isolation and nearly always-rejection.

 I will have had a taste of normality, have felt included and imagine that I am on the same page as everyone else for a change but the threads that link all of our activities and contacts together are missing so I revert to my hermit-like existence and patterns once again because for me, that's the only constant.

This is a really interesting post.  

Thanks Blackbird it's great to speak to people with the same issues and stuff going on, looking at my diagnosis whenever it may be as a postive to finally improve Myslef even at the age of 37