Hi all.
Please excuse the long story but appreciate anyone taking the time to read it and offer me some advice please.
My first possible signs of being different was being sent to a psychologist at primary school to find out why I wasn't really concentrating in class yet was very intelligent (apparently). That was inconclusive as far as I'm aware.
I had groups of friends over the years but would tend to enjoy being on my own with pets or playing computer games.
In later life I had a relationship which would be difficult at times as I would be determined to be clueless about many things and had no common sense. I came to realise that I wouldn't act in an a way that other people did, e.g. if someone dropped something I wouldn't think to pick it up, just look for example.
I feel like things have been more of an issue in work in recent years though as I worked in a call centre environment and it caused me stress dealing with call after call but I survived as it was pretty much scripted and I would feel confident dealing with the calls as I knew what to do.
I failed in two follow on jobs when I was asked to either travel abroad for work or work later or go on a night out and not realising these were in any sense expected or compulsory as such I was cast out for not being social and lost those jobs. I would also feel much more comfortable with strict routines and start and finish times which is joked about in my current job. I like to do the same start and finish times and get stressed if that changes.
I then did a job that I quite enjoyed as I didn't have to take any phone calls and it was based on maps but I found it difficult to understand aspects of it and would keep asking for help when I was unsure of things as I wanted to do it exactly right. I lost that job for asking too many questions.
I have not ended up in a job paid much less than previous ones but a bit more accepting of my eccentricities such as memorising number plates on colleague's cars. In my free time I like to just be at home playing a particular computer game and watching TV. I don't like being in crowded busy places or around people generally and feel more comfortable at home by myself with my hobbies and interests. When at work I can't wait to go home and often get stressed by any traffic etc. and feel safe at home.
My current job causes me stress as although there's less calls, the calls can be unpredictable and there's little assistance sometimes and no assurance you can resolve the issue. I get some comfort in being allowed to listen to music on earphones but they're starting to oppose that and also I feel uncomfortable with being right in the middle of the office.
I don't like to go in the kitchen when other people are there and feel reluctant to attend any work social events. I can also feel uncomfortable if I can't resolve an issue at work and fully fix it so if something can't be fixed I don't like it and also if I don't have information to hand that I need I can get stressed out and wound up.
I also feel agitated when on the roads and if people don't indicate or block a box junction or do things incorrectly generally, that's probably quite common though.
My other half's younger brother has autism and I get on well with him and can relate to him. I am independent, owning my own mortgage house etc. and left home at 18 but struggle with work as I am terrified of answering the phone in case I can't resolve the issue and can't undertake tasks unless they're clearly given as in full detailed instructions to follow as I can't think outside the box easily as such.
Also personally I miss social cues and this came to a peak I realised at the loss of my mother a few years ago as I was told she was really ill but didn't travel to see her until I asked and someone told me I should. Common sense would make anyone else rush down there. I also lacked a major emotional response to losing her and I feel awful about that. When there's family events I don't know what I'm doing and I get very stressed and upset that I'm failing to do things and upsetting people.
My Dad is now seriously ill and my job is now really stressing me out as they are pushing me to take more phone calls as well as taking calls when already handling another task so that I would be unable to concentrate on the existing task/customer as being expected to speak to someone on the phone even if it's just to take a message and say we'd call them back. I feel really awkward and uncomfortable about this.
Also, I tend to bore people by rambling on about subjects that interest me and interrupt people without sensing if they're busy etc. and have been told off/shouted at by colleagues for this.
If I do have something then would this help me? Personally I wish I could just stay at home and not deal with all the stresses of working and dealing with people at work but couldn't afford my mortgage etc. I thought a diagnosis if possible might help secure me a job I might even enjoy and feel more comfortable with possibly?
