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Job issues - wondering about getting a diagnosis

NAS63644

Hi all.

Please excuse the long story but appreciate anyone taking the time to read it and offer me some advice please.

My first possible signs of being different was being sent to a psychologist at primary school to find out why I wasn't really concentrating in class yet was very intelligent (apparently). That was inconclusive as far as I'm aware.

I had groups of friends over the years but would tend to enjoy being on my own with pets or playing computer games.

In later life I had a relationship which would be difficult at times as I would be determined to be clueless about many things and had no common sense. I came to realise that I wouldn't act in an a way that other people did, e.g. if someone dropped something I wouldn't think to pick it up, just look for example.

I feel like things have been more of an issue in work in recent years though as I worked in a call centre environment and it caused me stress dealing with call after call but I survived as it was pretty much scripted and I would feel confident dealing with the calls as I knew what to do.

I failed in two follow on jobs when I was asked to either travel abroad for work or work later or go on a night out and not realising these were in any sense expected or compulsory as such I was cast out for not being social and lost those jobs. I would also feel much more comfortable with strict routines and start and finish times which is joked about in my current job. I like to do the same start and finish times and get stressed if that changes.

I then did a job that I quite enjoyed as I didn't have to take any phone calls and it was based on maps but I found it difficult to understand aspects of it and would keep asking for help when I was unsure of things as I wanted to do it exactly right. I lost that job for asking too many questions.

I have not ended up in a job paid much less than previous ones but a bit more accepting of my eccentricities such as memorising number plates on colleague's cars. In my free time I like to just be at home playing a particular computer game and watching TV. I don't like being in crowded busy places or around people generally and feel more comfortable at home by myself with my hobbies and interests. When at work I can't wait to go home and often get stressed by any traffic etc. and feel safe at home.

My current job causes me stress as although there's less calls, the calls can be unpredictable and there's little assistance sometimes and no assurance you can resolve the issue. I get some comfort in being allowed to listen to music on earphones but they're starting to oppose that and also I feel uncomfortable with being right in the middle of the office.

I don't like to go in the kitchen when other people are there and feel reluctant to attend any work social events. I can also feel uncomfortable if I can't resolve an issue at work and fully fix it so if something can't be fixed I don't like it and also if I don't have information to hand that I need I can get stressed out and wound up.

I also feel agitated when on the roads and if people don't indicate or block a box junction or do things incorrectly generally, that's probably quite common though.

My other half's younger brother has autism and I get on well with him and can relate to him. I am independent, owning my own mortgage house etc. and left home at 18 but struggle with work as I am terrified of answering the phone in case I can't resolve the issue and can't undertake tasks unless they're clearly given as in full detailed instructions to follow as I can't think outside the box easily as such.

Also personally I miss social cues and this came to a peak I realised at the loss of my mother a few years ago as I was told she was really ill but didn't travel to see her until I asked and someone told me I should. Common sense would make anyone else rush down there. I also lacked a major emotional response to losing her and I feel awful about that. When there's family events I don't know what I'm doing and I get very stressed and upset that I'm failing to do things and upsetting people.

My Dad is now seriously ill and my job is now really stressing me out as they are pushing me to take more phone calls as well as taking calls when already handling another task so that I would be unable to concentrate on the existing task/customer as being expected to speak to someone on the phone even if it's just to take a message and say we'd call them back. I feel really awkward and uncomfortable about this.

Also, I tend to bore people by rambling on about subjects that interest me and interrupt people without sensing if they're busy etc. and have been told off/shouted at by colleagues for this.

If I do have something then would this help me? Personally I wish I could just stay at home and not deal with all the stresses of working and dealing with people at work but couldn't afford my mortgage etc. I thought a diagnosis if possible might help secure me a job I might even enjoy and feel more comfortable with possibly?

  • in reply to NAS63644

    NHS can take 2year+, hence i took the private route.

    £300 for seeing the Psychiatrist.

    £250 to see the Psychologist for her to decide whether a full assessment was justified and

    £1500 for the assessment itself

  • in reply to NAS50557

    How much work is involved really getting a diagnosis? I thought I would just ask my GP and it got the ball rolling? is it free but lengthy via the NHS as I couldn't afford £2k?

    My social senses are still bad as I have to remember to ask people about them and not just ramble on about myself and my interests as I tend to do. I will have a conversation and think afterwards that I just talked about myself for ages and didn't show any interest in them at all! Some people are really good at understanding though I feel.

  • in reply to JohnS

    It would help if you could get that before the session, because at least then you can process it and think of any questions.  I’m the same about social situations and it seems to be a common thing with people on this forum, not being able to think of certain things at the time.  I was told I have a slow processing speed and I struggle to know when to jump in on conversations.  Add in sensory issues too.  Like you say you’ve had more years practice, and have probably got almost a script you can use?  I’ve got good at greeting new people with the same few words in social situations.  But then just zone out. 

  • in reply to NAS50557

    Tell me about it :( i've requested a diagnosis before the final session. I cant help thing that my lack of childhood information will count against me (I'm 54).My wife came to one session and altlough agreed about my problems in social situations etc she didn't think i had ASD. Mainly because my son has Aspergers and she thinks i am more sociable. But i have had an extra 34 years to adapt and rehearse many social situations - i still get caught out on first meets) 1st impressions count) but i never know what to say. But several hours later i kick myself fir not saying or doing certain things, that i just didn't think of at the time:(

  • in reply to JohnS

    Wow.  That’s quite a lot!  Good luck for your final session.  Not long to wait.  Can’t believe we’re in September already.

  • in reply to NAS50557

    One with a Psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Aspergers but seeked confirmation which resulted in me being referred to a group of Psychologists. 

    So far initial consultation and she suggested the full assessment. Another session with that Psychologist and then a ADOS test with a different Psychologist and then i get my result at the final feedback session. So 4 sessions in all :(

  • in reply to JohnS

    Good point!  I got my diagnosis whilst in my employment.  How many sessions have you had?  I just had one appointment and they told me at the end. 

  • in reply to NAS50557

    Which just proves how important it is to a diagnosis, if you suspect you have ASD. Even though that process is long and stressful. I went private and has cist me ~£2K since I started the process in February and it will be concluded (one way or another) by 16th Sept (my final feedback session) 

  • in reply to JohnS

    I’ve had a very negative experience from telling my current employer.  Months of harassment and what is looking like termination of my contract very soon.  I have got independent legal advice and been told I have a very good case due to ongoing obvious harassment and victimisation.  I’m seeing my MP in a few weeks about it and what support there is for people that can’t afford legal representation.  I wouldn’t let that put people off disclosing to their employer or just knowing they can do in the future if they are struggling.  It’s been helpful to read on here the positive experiences people have had.  And also the negatives.  One solicitor told me it is very common for people with autism to be discriminated against, and it’s often just due to lack of understanding.  

  • in reply to NAS50557

    Exactly :) All companies (large & small) have to address the mental well being of their staff (it's part of Health & Safety legislation). If you get a diagnosis then your employer should show some flexibility, plus you can warn them that certain situations will freak you out! 

  • It really depends on your employer, but also if it will help in future jobs.  Sometimes knowing you have that bit of protection and hopefully it’ll give people some understanding that’s all you need.  Even if you get a diagnosis you don’t need to share it, but it might help you knowing for yourself.

  • in reply to StephenHarris

    Many thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone. Unfortunately my workplace is a small company (I prefer the protection you get with bigger companies though) so no unions etc. in my case and is more of a sort of intimate situation with management and staff which is more awkward for me too.

    I was inspired by Chris Packham's programme about his Aspergers as I admire him as I have a strong interest in natural history. I also enjoy things like Comic Con, TV, film, video games etc. and like making Youtube videos. I think I'd enjoy being at home doing that more and funnily enough have recently got into one Youtube channel where the person who presents it made an inspirational announcement - https://youtu.be/l797AMvSCzA?t=149

    (I hope that's ok to post - I thought it helps show how people with autism are able to propel themselves well on Youtube and show creative skills without social skills holding them back as it might have done in the media traditionally).

  • in reply to JohnS

    I would agree; a formal diagnosis will be very helpful in multiple ways.

  • You sound a lot like me. Hate phones even when I know the person I am talking to. Will not travel abroad or to other sites (although my job does not specifically require that). But I have turned down jobs, because they probably required foreign travel. Even going on a family holiday abroad is a very stressful experience and it takes me quite a few days to settle down and find my bearings. I started down the assessment route because I got into trouble at work, calling out questionable practices from the management - they just see that as not towing the line and treat you like a criminal (luckily I'm in a Union and so they have my back which resulted in my management having to back off!! ).

    I will find out just before 16th Sept whether I am confirmed to be on the Spectrum or not (even though I have a Psychiatrist diagnosis of Aspergers).

    A confirmed ASD diagnosis won't make a lot of difference to my like, but it would give me piece of mind and the ability to make changes at work.

    So if you think you might have ASD, I would definitely seek out a diagnosis :) 

  • Getting a diagnosis might be a good idea for protection against unfair dismissal over things relating to your condition (Asking """""too many"""" questions just because you are anxious to get things right).

    But you would definitely need to try and find a job in something that doesn't involve answering phone calls if that's really something you can't handle.