Verbal abuse of family

I can see it in myself. I reckon it happened to me with my partner just a few minutes ago. My only real defense is that..... things escalate, with both of us. The air can get a bit blue! It happened a few times with my parents too. But  with them, I got used to the idea years ago of keeping quiet about my frequent mistakes. With my partner, these things are unhideable. But I would also say that I have long avoided other kinds of risky behaviour. I'm daily surrounded by numerous examples of much riskier behaviour.

But that doesn't really help you much. I can only really say that you probably have to be a bit more relaxed about allowing him to learn from his own experience. It genuinely takes a lot longer with some people. That might eventually cool him down, but that is never going to be entirely easy, I know. Another thing that definitely comes to mind is that NAS and other groups are very conscious that parents/carers/stakeholders also need counselling/advice/help. I would suggest you let him know ASAP that his actions will always have an impact on you, and so you are entitled to seek outside help for yourselves. I'm guessing that he is loathe to seek outside assistance for himself, but perhaps might begin to see that for himself. It sounds like he should learn to fix his own bicycle. I'm supposing that should be possible because it seems he lives away from home and has some independence. I'm quite dyspraxic, but I just persist until I get things more-or- less right. There's lots of trial and error. I've also had my fair share of accidents. What probably helped me most was that I worked in a remote environment where make-do-&-mend was a daily economic necessity.

Wish I could be a bit more proactive in my thoughts! But there will almost certainly be further posts here that will build on/be more constructive than my fumblings.  i also know about  my own outbursts of frustration. They don't automatically mean you have to pick up the pieces. I'm sure it is very hard having to listen to these outbursts, but perhaps it will eventually click that you don't at all enjoy hearing them, and that his energy would be better directed in solving his own stuff.

A few too many ifs and buts there for my own liking. But I would like to ask if your son is working. and in roughly what capacity? Also, about the threats: Do they take the form of ''I will go take my own risks, and you will be responsible if it doesn't work?" Or is it more menacing?

I can see it in myself. I reckon it happened to me with my partner just a few minutes ago. My only real defense is that..... things escalate, with both of us. The air can get a bit blue! It happened a few times with my parents too. But  with them, I got used to the idea years ago of keeping quiet about my frequent mistakes. With my partner, these things are unhideable. But I would also say that I have long avoided other kinds of risky behaviour. I'm daily surrounded by numerous examples of much riskier behaviour.

But that doesn't really help you much. I can only really say that you probably have to be a bit more relaxed about allowing him to learn from his own experience. It genuinely takes a lot longer with some people. That might eventually cool him down, but that is never going to be entirely easy, I know. Another thing that definitely comes to mind is that NAS and other groups are very conscious that parents/carers/stakeholders also need counselling/advice/help. I would suggest you let him know ASAP that his actions will always have an impact on you, and so you are entitled to seek outside help for yourselves. I'm guessing that he is loathe to seek outside assistance for himself, but perhaps might begin to see that for himself. It sounds like he should learn to fix his own bicycle. I'm supposing that should be possible because it seems he lives away from home and has some independence. I'm quite dyspraxic, but I just persist until I get things more-or- less right. There's lots of trial and error. I've also had my fair share of accidents. What probably helped me most was that I worked in a remote environment where make-do-&-mend was a daily economic necessity.

Wish I could be a bit more proactive in my thoughts! But there will almost certainly be further posts here that will build on/be more constructive than my fumblings.  i also know about  my own outbursts of frustration. They don't automatically mean you have to pick up the pieces. I'm sure it is very hard having to listen to these outbursts, but perhaps it will eventually click that you don't at all enjoy hearing them, and that his energy would be better directed in solving his own stuff.

A few too many ifs and buts there for my own liking. But I would like to ask if your son is working. and in roughly what capacity? Also, about the threats: Do they take the form of ''I will go take my own risks, and you will be responsible if it doesn't work?" Or is it more menacing?

Thanks for your reply. He won’t accept outside help I don’t know how to find support for me but this group seems good. His job is outside which causes great pain to his hands as he has severe Raynaulds also he has to deal with people which he finds difficult. I am not sure what work he can do as an alternative plus now he won’t let me advise him. I think all the threats are empty but at the back of my mind I worry if it changes. On a positive for the first time ever he apologised yesterday for what he said. I have worked out he is suffering PST from a bike crash he had and is having flashbacks but won’t agree to have counselling as it involves talking. I am trying to find a way to relax and not get so worried because I guess I really cannot stop bad things happening now he has grown up.