Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Diagnosed with autism on Monday this week at age 42. I am still trying to process this, I thought I would be relieved but mostly I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I haven't told anyone about the diagnosis yet, not even my husband. I'm feeling anxious about telling my family and not sure how I will cope with their reactions.
Just wondering how other people diagnosed as adults told their close family about their diagnosis? If it was me, I would want to be given all of the information in written form but not sure if this would be too much to start with. Any thoughts?
Congratulations on your diagnosis!
I was diagnosed at 42 as well. The biggest thing I would recommend right now is STOP!!!!
Get your own head around it all before telling anyone else - you'll need time to process a huge number of implications - the most important is how do you feel about it all? Is is a good or a bad thing?
I had a mixed reaction - some weren't surprised - but my own family used it as a bullying tool - a way to try to hurt and gain superiority if it suited them.
The ultra-political work environment used it as a way to hold me back.
Mother in law used it as a way to exclude me from things 'because I wouldn't understand'.
Friends have been totally accepting - nothing for them to gain or lose so no difference in the way they treat me.
Also - - - expect everyone, their wife & their dog to claim to be "a bit autistic too" because "isn't everyone on the spectrum somewhere?"
Take some time to think about how you might explain your difficulties to annoying people!
Thank you Plastic. I think you're right, I should stop and give myself some more time to think before telling anyone. I just feel guilty not telling my husband straight away, almost as if I'm lying to him.
I think overall it's a good thing - now I can understand why I have had difficulties in life and I can stop blaming myself for just being a generally crap person. I'm still not sure if it would be easier not to tell most people, but then I will have to continue with the masking which has really affected me badly over the years. There's a lot to consider.
I cannot bear the thought of people patronising me because of the diagnosis. I really don't know how I would deal with that.
I suggest telling your husband - he probably suspects already - but be prepared for him to have to process it all - he could take the view that he's accidentally married someone 'faulty' or he might be very supportive and work with you to simplify your life and reduce the impact of autism on your life. How do you think he'll react?
The rest can wait until you're completely ready - it will make no difference for them not to know.
Also - it means they will walk you through the VIP lane in security - no queues - very useful.
That's really helpful, thank you.
No luggage is VERY liberating - when you're spending thousands on a holiday, $10 for 3 T-shirts is peanuts - just consider it as consumables.
If you speak to disability assistance, they will give you a green lanyard with sunflowers on it - it denotes to all staff that you are disabled but not obviously - hidden disabilities are well catered for in airports now.
No luggage - that is genius! Unfortunately, I don't think I could convince my family. I would love to have everything planned but my NT husband likes to be more spontaneous and 'go with the flow'. Out of interest, what is the invisible disability lanyard? I've never heard of this before.
So it's basic unpredictability - choosing presents - you cannot know what they would appreciate = unpredictable.
Holiday - soooo many things can go wrong = unpredictable.
It all boils down very quickly to chaos-aversion.
We do Disney Florida every year because The Mouse does not allow Mr Cockup to come to town - everything is perfect - and predictable = relaxation
Airport = stress so we go down the night before and stay in an airport hotel (£30) so we don't get stuck in traffic, we use the invisible-disability sunflower lanyard and use disability assistance to get us through security vip-lane and we use the private lounge to get away from the noise of the terminal. We get pre-boarded so we know we're settled on the plane and we take no luggage so we can be off the plane and out of the airport long before most people get to see their bags.
We take no luggage because the bare minimum of clothes fits into hand luggage - buy toiletries & anything else we need at the destination for just a few $$.
Coming home is simply the reverse - all the assistance is offered on Orlando so it's dead easy. Perfect Planning Prevents Poor Performance!