Published on 12, July, 2020
It's been a few days now. Everything's turned up so loud and irritating me. Clothes itching me and annoying me. Words coming out jumbled. Extra clumsy. I ache in my bones. I've even removed wedding rings as their squeezing me :( feel like I'm getting nothing done. Constant anxiety. Even people talking too much I'm saying please stop. Usual methods of calming have been interrupted by people. Even today. I leant a neighbour my phone and carried on planting up as he was in need of help. A neighbour I hardly ever speak to and his wife came yelling at him in front of me. Too much. Please advise everything's so loud right now
I feel like this when I'm low on 'spoons', often post-meltdown (or post near-meltdown when I've spent a tonne of energy avoiding the meltdown) or when I've had a lot of stress in a short amount of time. I feel so tired and heavy and like I just can't-even, and I forget how to talk for the simplest things-I had a very busy couple of days a few weeks back and for days after I was having trouble just mustering the ability to say 'thank you' to the bus driver, and I kept going to get coffee and getting to the counter and it suddenly being like I couldn't work out how to communicate what I wanted.
I wear my headphones everywhere, and avoid people as much as I can (for me this isn't too hard, I can still come into uni but shut myself in my office-and if my supervisor wants to talk to me, he will usually recognise when I need to be left alone), and really just have to take a few days doing quiet low-energy things to recharge (and not worry that I'm not getting anything else done-I just remind myself it's counterproductive to keep trying to push through, and taking some time to take care of myself is a 'thing to get done' all by itself that will allow me to then carry on with everything else better).
If your usual quiet place isn't giving you enough respite (risk of people trying to talk to you etc), maybe look elsewhere for somewhere you can have some alone time? Go for a long walk in the countryside maybe? I like to spend a day out walking when I'm stressed, I find it relaxing to get outdoors and not have to say more than 'hello' and 'good morning' to a handful of people in passing.