My calming space invaded

I'm already high anxiety after a hectic weekend and also embarrassed myself. Thought I'd do a few hours at the allotment today as it's my calming place.

A bit of background...when I started there, an elderly chap was struggling to tend his plot so I thought I'd help him. He took my kindness the wrong way so I had an 80 something year old say i had a nice bum? do i want a massage etc. Get in my space etc so I avoided him as much as i could.didnt talk to him. Hes still trying after months of avoidance.

I put a mesh fence around my plot to keep him out and my son and i and our dog were having a nice time quietly and our dog behaved. The old guy in question starts calling my dog, my dog runs across another persons plot! I grab him and ask the guy to please go away as my dog now wont settle. 

He comes back same again, then asks do I want a cucumber. Then again do I want runner beans, flowers, potatoes, something I couldnt understand. Each time I say no please go away.

He then tells my son off for not helping me! I say hes now having to hold the dog on a short lead as you keep calling him please go away. Then hes back again do I want a hammer..no I'm using a mallet to put fence posts in....but he brings me a hammer anyway....my anxiety is reaching melting point. Please go away I'm not getting anything done....hes back, do I want my strimmer taken apart!! Then picks it up! I snatch it away saying please just leave me alone! I cant be clearer. I'm almost at meltdown....I have to pack up tools etc before I leave though. So this time we sit behind tall sunflowers as we see him approaching. Hes yelling my name, I'm trying hard not to cry. Hes there for 5 minutes then goes to his car. My son says hes looking st us from his car window. I look hes sat there with what may be binoculars. 10 mins later he leaves

I'm now more stressed than ever. I got to my room and cried, even my wedding bands now annoying me, I cant talk, when I talk to my son the wrong words come out.

I dont know what to do. He has a wife and family at home so hes not lonely. another plot holder turned up bit later but he bugs me. 

I'm now so tired. I started getting anxious about it all over agagain.

He may be senile but hes causing me to get overwhelmed. I'm trying so hard to not meltdown. His wife wont listen she makes excuses for him. I dont know what I can do

Parents
  • I think I'd try polite and blunt mixed together - something like:

    "Thank you for all your offers of help - but you're creeping me out - and if you don't leave me alone I'll be calling the police - DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"     Including a 'Paddington Stare' might help.

    If that doesn't get the message across, you might have to talk to the police as he's clearly not getting the hint.

  • Wish me luck today. I'm going up there shortly. It's in need of alot of work before I can grow properly but I like that as I'm designing it as well as clearing.ot just means I'm up there alot

  • Good luck I hope things get better.

    I understand very well the concept of a calming place.    And how good gardening can be good for both mental and physical relaxation and health.  And we had problems with a neighbour who came round when she wasn't welcome.  And kept coming round making our lives a living hell.

    I handled the situation badly.  Instead of confronting her, we discovered an easy way of avoiding her.  The confrontation came with her coming round in a real temper, ranting and raving, demanding to know how we were avoiding her.

    This complex drama dragged on for almost twenty years.

Reply
  • Good luck I hope things get better.

    I understand very well the concept of a calming place.    And how good gardening can be good for both mental and physical relaxation and health.  And we had problems with a neighbour who came round when she wasn't welcome.  And kept coming round making our lives a living hell.

    I handled the situation badly.  Instead of confronting her, we discovered an easy way of avoiding her.  The confrontation came with her coming round in a real temper, ranting and raving, demanding to know how we were avoiding her.

    This complex drama dragged on for almost twenty years.

Children
  • That would drive me crazy also. I need to garden. This last neigbhbour I'm ashamed to say used to knock and knock until I answered. Bought her husband and 3 kids round for dinner everyday so I would go without. Eat my food and I found her in my house where she shouldnt have been. If my car was there and I didnt answer she stood outside my house for ages. I was the end house so had to walk past hers to get home:( I cant work out why I was so unable to get out of it. I'd be at meltdown when she left. 

  • Sorry I just read this and chuckled at the last sentence! I now have this image in my head of this woman, stalking the neighbourhood, attempting to distract gardeners with idle gossip! Maybe she wanted to make sure that everyone else's garden looked as bad as hers? :-)

  • I'm not trying to hijack your thread but I will give you more specific details of our neighbour problem.

    We lived in a corner house with a large garden.  My calm space was relaxing while calmly cutting the lawn.  My mother was the flower expert and we spent a small fortune buying plants and vegetables from garden centres.

    So we are quietly gardening and this neighbour turns up at the gate or a gap between the shrubs and hedges, shouting her favourite words, 'HELLO!',  'EXCUSE ME!'  And she won't leave until she gets our attention and then it's the start of a marathon gossiping session. She wants to know all about us and our extended family.  A combination of VERY strong eye contact and hypnotic voice prevented me from ending the conversation.  A day, two or three days later she catches us in the garden again and again and it ends in the same marathon gossiping session.  By the time she leaves I'm in a state of total mental exhaustion and the gardening is left unfinished. 

    One autumn day we were busy doing our autumn clearing,  she walked into our garden without invitation,  smiling,  praising our garden and asking for plants, she wanted this, that  she must have these etc etc etc.  We spent the whole afternoon digging plants just to give to her, to get rid of her.  And the work we wanted to do was left undone.  This happened several times over the next decade.

    One day I visited the nearby cul-de-sac where she lived.  And saw her garden.  She only had a few light flowers,  otherwise her garden was empty and in a state of total neglect.  This woman never did any gardening or planted anything or dug soil up in years.  She must have thrown away the plants the plants we gave her.

    She just spent her days walking up and down the street engaging people in gossip and trying to preventing them from gardening.

  • I too had a neighbour like this! I moved to get away from her