Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm already high anxiety after a hectic weekend and also embarrassed myself. Thought I'd do a few hours at the allotment today as it's my calming place.
A bit of background...when I started there, an elderly chap was struggling to tend his plot so I thought I'd help him. He took my kindness the wrong way so I had an 80 something year old say i had a nice bum? do i want a massage etc. Get in my space etc so I avoided him as much as i could.didnt talk to him. Hes still trying after months of avoidance.
I put a mesh fence around my plot to keep him out and my son and i and our dog were having a nice time quietly and our dog behaved. The old guy in question starts calling my dog, my dog runs across another persons plot! I grab him and ask the guy to please go away as my dog now wont settle.
He comes back same again, then asks do I want a cucumber. Then again do I want runner beans, flowers, potatoes, something I couldnt understand. Each time I say no please go away.
He then tells my son off for not helping me! I say hes now having to hold the dog on a short lead as you keep calling him please go away. Then hes back again do I want a hammer..no I'm using a mallet to put fence posts in....but he brings me a hammer anyway....my anxiety is reaching melting point. Please go away I'm not getting anything done....hes back, do I want my strimmer taken apart!! Then picks it up! I snatch it away saying please just leave me alone! I cant be clearer. I'm almost at meltdown....I have to pack up tools etc before I leave though. So this time we sit behind tall sunflowers as we see him approaching. Hes yelling my name, I'm trying hard not to cry. Hes there for 5 minutes then goes to his car. My son says hes looking st us from his car window. I look hes sat there with what may be binoculars. 10 mins later he leaves
I'm now more stressed than ever. I got to my room and cried, even my wedding bands now annoying me, I cant talk, when I talk to my son the wrong words come out.
I dont know what to do. He has a wife and family at home so hes not lonely. another plot holder turned up bit later but he bugs me.
I'm now so tired. I started getting anxious about it all over agagain.
He may be senile but hes causing me to get overwhelmed. I'm trying so hard to not meltdown. His wife wont listen she makes excuses for him. I dont know what I can do
I'm so sorry to hear about this. This man is harassing you! If you've explicitly told him to go away and leave you alone on a number of occasions and he is still approaching you and pestering you with questions etc then this is harassment!
When you say he is senile, do you mean that he has dementia? Is he safe to be tending to his allotment on his own?
If he continues then you may have to call the police, for your own peace of mind. That way, either a stern talking to from the police will hopefully do the trick OR if his behaviour is due to Mental Health or Dementia then the police will be able to take him to the appropriate place.
His wife may well make excuses for him but you should not have to continue to put up with this behaviour!
I hope that you recover from today's aggravation soon!
Thank you. 3 years ago I had another elderly man following me! He lived a cross the road. I only knew when someone pointed it out to me then sure enough I saw him watching me. He then yelled abuse at me and my son. He knows my inlaws they dint think I have asd they just fall me crazy and think they can do such things. My plan tomorrow is get tough. To tell go away simply as no doubt he will turn up.
My husband says I'm too kind that's why I get these people. The other guy from 3 years ago, I got police involved as he targeted my son! I then found out he had previously been accused of rape! This other guy from today used to steal womens underwear off their lines! These facts only come out when I talk to people in our village. So drained. Why should I have to change to fit into such a rubbish world (crying sgain). Also dont want to keep going to police I'm scared i wont be taken seriously !
No worries! I also need a few hours or longer to think stuff through and get it straight in my head. Good luck with getting it sorted!
Thanks kitson your right. I need a few hours to think stuff over properly I'm not sure why. Always been like that. This morning I feel clearer and a little less stressed c
You’re welcome! It may be that these men realise your vulnerability and target you specifically because they think you are easy prey! It’s good that you are standing up for yourself but with your son involved too, just beware that you are not being too kind by not reporting this behaviour and leaving yourself in an unsafe situation. I don’t see any reason why the police wouldn’t take you seriously, especially given the man’s history with stealing knickers! You don’t need to change at all. But this man’s behaviour does need to change!