Life balance

I'm undiagnosed as some of you know. However, how do you balance your life and down time?

For example my husband was home for 4 days after being away for 2 weeks. He tried to cram everything in. He expects me to completly change my routine. So one day we went clothes shopping in a busy city, lunch out, he didnt want to go home after shopping for 5 hours! So we went trampolining in one of those huge places with trampolines all over the place. Then dinner out. 

I just wanted to go home. Get home I need time to myself as I'm hugely anxious. I want to garden alone as that's my thing. But hes upset I cant sit and watch a film (I dislike tv unless it's old movies but I do try) so I sit and watch a film all the time feeling like a bottle about to explode. Next day I spend 2 hours at the allotment as I need to get away to myself. I get home hes not so happy as wants to do something together. 

Last time we split up was because my only recharge was 2 hour beach walks with our dog. 

I need days to recharge sometimes but I try and compromise with an hour or so.

We've split up before over this and today hes gone back to work still sulking that I'm not as attentive as he needs. I just feel exhausted

Parents
  • It sounds like you know what you need to do to re-charge e.g spend a limited amount of time in busy places, garden etc. The issues seem to be that your OH isn't respecting your needs and wants everything his own way. Is he willing to change? If he is do you need outside help such as counselling? If not, does the relationship mean that much to you that you happy making yourself ill to be with him? I was diagnosed in October 2017, by the end of December 2017 the relationship I was in broke down as he and his family expected me to behave in a way that was detrimental to my health to fit in with NT expectations. I now have a loving husband and we both make sacrifices to take in to account our differing neurotypes. On our honeymoon, we used the afternoons to relax in our hotel room as I find holidays to be draining. He loves socialising so we regularly have people round ours (although we limited the numbers as I can't cope with large groups). I've just stopped work as I'm pregnant but before that I didn't work Weds as it gave me one day each week where I could sit in silence. I also like to have time alone in each evening, where I have a little boogie (some might see it as a stim) to get rid of the day's stresses. On the other hand, if my OH has a lot on his mind after work he likes to sit in the living room and stare into space. Even if I'd like the company I respect his needs, especially as we always have an hour of us time to cuddle and chat before bed.

  • Thank you for your reply. He does like it all his way most of the time but sometimes can be good. When he is home, I still have to do most things on my own. even take care of our boy. If I go out too long he says its like hes just a babysitter. I find it so hard

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  • Thank you for your reply. He does like it all his way most of the time but sometimes can be good. When he is home, I still have to do most things on my own. even take care of our boy. If I go out too long he says its like hes just a babysitter. I find it so hard

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