Life balance

I'm undiagnosed as some of you know. However, how do you balance your life and down time?

For example my husband was home for 4 days after being away for 2 weeks. He tried to cram everything in. He expects me to completly change my routine. So one day we went clothes shopping in a busy city, lunch out, he didnt want to go home after shopping for 5 hours! So we went trampolining in one of those huge places with trampolines all over the place. Then dinner out. 

I just wanted to go home. Get home I need time to myself as I'm hugely anxious. I want to garden alone as that's my thing. But hes upset I cant sit and watch a film (I dislike tv unless it's old movies but I do try) so I sit and watch a film all the time feeling like a bottle about to explode. Next day I spend 2 hours at the allotment as I need to get away to myself. I get home hes not so happy as wants to do something together. 

Last time we split up was because my only recharge was 2 hour beach walks with our dog. 

I need days to recharge sometimes but I try and compromise with an hour or so.

We've split up before over this and today hes gone back to work still sulking that I'm not as attentive as he needs. I just feel exhausted

Parents
  • I don't work any more but my wife still does.   Her down time is limited by needing to go back to work, mine is not - so I make sure that I fit my needs around hers - I have the time and space to recharge before and afterwards so I plan my days around her time off.

    I get very, very tired doing NT things - but she needs the de-stress from work - so her needs outweigh mine at that instance.    I can overdrive my body for a few days to provide a good user-interface but I can crash out afterwards for a few days.   She also understands that sometimes I need to escape or sleep so there's a limit to my interactions.

  • I keep getting signed out from the forum today so it's taking a few minutes to reply. My husband works at sea. I was working full time and looking after our child with no support as I struggle with my family so no longer see them. I was made redundant so have now set up my own business and try to work it around childcare. He can be away 6 weeks or 6 days. Then home 6 weeks or home 6 days, it changes. But when hes home I'm still the main carer for our son. I've had a huge meltdown years ago and tried taking my own life. I didnt know I was possibly on the spectrum then. I was treated badly as no one knew why I was acting out (still hard to talk about). My inlaws since call me crazy to my face. I no longer see them. I'm trying to keep afloat in a world i dont understand and feel like I'm drowning 

  • I really admire the fact that you can run a business as well as look after a child.  

    You lay your thoughts out very eloquently on this forum - are you able to tell your husband about how you feel?     Does he get it?   Does he understand that interfacing with the world drains your energy?

    Are you able to write a Haynes Manual for him to understand the permutations and combinations of events that will sap your energy?

    What do you find invigorating?   What recharges your battery?  How do you decompress from the day's stresses?

Reply
  • I really admire the fact that you can run a business as well as look after a child.  

    You lay your thoughts out very eloquently on this forum - are you able to tell your husband about how you feel?     Does he get it?   Does he understand that interfacing with the world drains your energy?

    Are you able to write a Haynes Manual for him to understand the permutations and combinations of events that will sap your energy?

    What do you find invigorating?   What recharges your battery?  How do you decompress from the day's stresses?

Children
  • This sounds odd but I can write on here but cant explain it verbally. My business is quite new and I'm gardening. I find the people tricky but like the ones who leave me to get on. I'm at huge anxiety levels today as I feel I made an idiot with myself this weekend...I play situations over in my mind. But that was also after our whirlwind few days and a guy I worked for was too much for me.

    I usually screen shot my posts on here and show him but he still doesnt get it