• Replies 19 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 6115 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Exposure Anxiety: How complex are your social masks?

Kit McDaydream

How complex are your social masks?  is it just you with a bit more (pretended) confidence to cope with a day at college or work?  or do you have complete alters that deal with particular things and are completely different to the 'real you', even though they're using your body to go to your college/workplace in? (so work colleagues etc would see the personality the alter portrayed as 'your personality')

Can you be 'you' in front of anyone at all or is your exposure anxiety so severe you can only be yourself in the house alone when no-one else is there? (other than pets maybe).

K

Parents

  • WELL, apparently I'm really good at masking, but I've done it for so long that it doesn't actually feel like I'm masking at all. The best comparison is like wearing a light foundation. It's not really a full mask, I'm still quite eccentric and I'm more or less myself but I've learned the social skills to shut up if people aren't interested anymore. I feel like I have worn a slightly more opaque mask in the past and that worked actually less well socially because the fact that I was trying to hide made me withdrawn and therefore I couldn't form connections with people. I guess one thing that has changed is that I'm a little bit older now. As a teenager I used to get negative reactions from people for being myself but in the grownup world I feel generally accepted. 

Reply

  • WELL, apparently I'm really good at masking, but I've done it for so long that it doesn't actually feel like I'm masking at all. The best comparison is like wearing a light foundation. It's not really a full mask, I'm still quite eccentric and I'm more or less myself but I've learned the social skills to shut up if people aren't interested anymore. I feel like I have worn a slightly more opaque mask in the past and that worked actually less well socially because the fact that I was trying to hide made me withdrawn and therefore I couldn't form connections with people. I guess one thing that has changed is that I'm a little bit older now. As a teenager I used to get negative reactions from people for being myself but in the grownup world I feel generally accepted. 

Children
  • in reply to Ms Mystery

    I'm 50 now and spent my life being 'someone else' to cope with social demands of having to go to work, school etc.  I did enjoy some of my life through these alters but I was younger then (and much younger emotionally and didn't even know I had autism) it was like a game. If they didn't see the real me it wasn't me they were bullying if the bullying started again elsewhere I just moved and switched alters again.

    I moved alot especially if one alter had to stay up front for several years eg to complete a 2-3 yr course afterwards I'd move away or back home so I could 'switch' to relieve the pressure. All the masking did result in a 'mental breakdown' when I got my diagnosis in my late 20's. I never fully recovered the social skills I'd acquired before that happened or the will to take part in and enjoy life with others.

    I've struggled with it as an adult as due to my last alter's medical situation being incredibly complicated I can't just up and move as I've been unable to work for years so stuck in social housing and on benefits. My last alter was the one who was originally assessed for them and still believes they have the same level of disability now as they had originally so they're the one that has to appear if benefits reviews are needed.

    Not being able to move and leave that alter behind completely is causing a lot of mental stress! I find myself constantly hoping for a lottery win or large inheritance to come my way so I could buy (or at least rent) another house somewhere else to start again. Reading Donna Williams blog where she discusses her 'system' with another person who has both autism and DID I believe I possibly have both.  I have an official diagnosis of Autism but not DID as my mother many years ago told me to keep my 'imaginery friends' (ie the alters) and 'own world' a secret as people wouldn't understand and I was already enduring severe bullying at school.  As she then passed away I always kept it a secret to honor her so when I was saw the psychiatrist for the autism diagnosis I never mentioned 'having alters/masks'.  I was always scared I had a mental illness and would be locked up if anyone found out so was relieved that autism was the only thing they originally came up with (which I was told had no cure and no medication needed for it!).

    I'm also going through the peri-menopause which isn't helping as again my autistic side/fears/ phobias's etc seem to have come back as intensely as they were in childhood. so my current alter is 'very autistic' and 'reclusive', shut down last alters social media account and everything and don't go out socially at all.  If I have to deal with anyone one of the 'social mask alters ' kicks in just while I deal with whatever needs to be dealt with.

    I guess some of it must be DID then?  (or something like Avoidant Personality Disorder?) if this is not  even 'normal for autistics' to have so many 'masks' with no desire for social or physical contact???