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Would love to connect with someone experienced in the challenges of Asperger's in relationships.

Pepperpocket

I love my partner (m, 41, undiagnosed Aspergers) so so much but when it comes to some of our relationship issues I can't work out if some things are "all in my head", whether some things are simply autistic traits I must adapt to or if I'm using autism to justify how he treats me & defend the relationship because I want it to work. I can't do this forever, it's driving me insane. It's something I feel like we should discuss and perhaps even get couples therapy, but at this moment in time he's not even interested in a diagnosis because he doesn't see any problems. 

Parents

  • I'm not 100% sure how to respond without knowing the full context of the challenges you're having, but here are my thoughts (as an autistic person in a relationship)...

    It's great to have an understanding partner who's sensitive to your needs and supports you through the tough times, but it's never okay to make that person feel controlled, trapped or underappreciated.You do need to take care of yourself - if he's treating you badly or making you unhappy, then you need to do what's right for you. Your health and happiness matter too.

Reply

  • I'm not 100% sure how to respond without knowing the full context of the challenges you're having, but here are my thoughts (as an autistic person in a relationship)...

    It's great to have an understanding partner who's sensitive to your needs and supports you through the tough times, but it's never okay to make that person feel controlled, trapped or underappreciated.You do need to take care of yourself - if he's treating you badly or making you unhappy, then you need to do what's right for you. Your health and happiness matter too.

Children
  • in reply to DuckBread

    Thank you DuckBread. Our biggest current issue is best described in my first reply to "Done with Christmas Cards". However, regardless of that, you are right. The therapist I'm has been keen to put my own needs the focus of my personal development right now and fulfilling them without reliance on my partner. I've been habitually putting them last for the sake of the relationship which I'm told is effectively telling myself I'm not important.

    I still want the relationship to work, but it's not real whilst I'm in a position of fear (of him leaving) because it renders me completely powerless when it comes to telling each other what we think and want. I want to keep the relationship because of how amazing we are together the rest/80% of the time and I love and admire so many things about him. I'm conscious that coming here and effectively complaining about the worst bits really paints a bad picture of him, but everything's great when we're not dancing around these touchy complexities and my huge reluctance to bring up ASD as a factor.