I'm not even sure if i have meltdowns. And if i do ? How to spot the signs and how to cope ?
I can get irritated and angry wuite easily and have been known to have screaming fits, bouts of just nothingness or sadness for no obvious reason and crying. I get anxious quite alot.
Are these considered a meltdown ? Or just my general personality ?
And if they are , i have no idea how to spot the warning signs.
Thank you
What I have been able to fathom so far about my own meltdowns is as follows:
Sometimes I can have a meltdown as a result of an event that I am anxious about. Luckily I can notice myself building up to these ones and will usually manage if by changing or delaying the event, if I am able to. If I’m not able to then as I can feel the stressy feeling intensifying then I would try breathing exercises and distraction/diversion techniques to reduce its intensity. If these don’t work then I’ll end up a sobbing inconsolable mess for anything up to a few hours.
The second cause of meltdowns that I’ve identified is usually when I’ve had a few stresses building up and then something happens that tips the balance, usually when circumstances at home suddenly and unexpectedly spin out of control. This tends to cause a much more volatile meltdown where I’ll be shouting and screaming at the person (adult) who has caused things to spin out of control, I’ll be sobbing, I’ve even been known to start clawing at my own face making it bleed (though this is very rare and hasn’t happened at all for a few years). In that moment I just want to get away from the horrible feeling inside me, I’ll take myself off for a walk on my own and get quite alien thoughts of jumping in front of a train or similar (I say alien because I am not at all suicidal and certainly not depressed at the moment) but those thoughts are specific to being in meltdown mode and just wanting to do anything to get rid of that feeling. I usually end up shutting myself away in a room away from other people for a few hours, sometimes in the dark, as the only way that I can calm myself down is to completely shut off from all external stimulation. Once I have eventually calmed down I have to do a diversion activity to snap my brain out of it, I’ve sometimes done a short 1 or 2 hour training course online, just to get my brain thinking about something else.
Hope this helps!
What I have been able to fathom so far about my own meltdowns is as follows:
Sometimes I can have a meltdown as a result of an event that I am anxious about. Luckily I can notice myself building up to these ones and will usually manage if by changing or delaying the event, if I am able to. If I’m not able to then as I can feel the stressy feeling intensifying then I would try breathing exercises and distraction/diversion techniques to reduce its intensity. If these don’t work then I’ll end up a sobbing inconsolable mess for anything up to a few hours.
The second cause of meltdowns that I’ve identified is usually when I’ve had a few stresses building up and then something happens that tips the balance, usually when circumstances at home suddenly and unexpectedly spin out of control. This tends to cause a much more volatile meltdown where I’ll be shouting and screaming at the person (adult) who has caused things to spin out of control, I’ll be sobbing, I’ve even been known to start clawing at my own face making it bleed (though this is very rare and hasn’t happened at all for a few years). In that moment I just want to get away from the horrible feeling inside me, I’ll take myself off for a walk on my own and get quite alien thoughts of jumping in front of a train or similar (I say alien because I am not at all suicidal and certainly not depressed at the moment) but those thoughts are specific to being in meltdown mode and just wanting to do anything to get rid of that feeling. I usually end up shutting myself away in a room away from other people for a few hours, sometimes in the dark, as the only way that I can calm myself down is to completely shut off from all external stimulation. Once I have eventually calmed down I have to do a diversion activity to snap my brain out of it, I’ve sometimes done a short 1 or 2 hour training course online, just to get my brain thinking about something else.
Hope this helps!
My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have two children, 8 & 5. Our eldest got his ASD diagnosis a year ago and the training courses we have done and books we have read have really helped to reduce his meltdowns and also help him to recover from them more quickly. During the diagnosis process my wife realised that she was probably autistic too, this realisation made so much about the way she feels, thinks and reacts make sense.
I’m NT, I suppose, and it is hard to always get it right when supporting my wife. I’m not instinctive enough and don’t always recognise what might trigger a meltdown in her. When she melts down she attacks me (verbally!) and I find it hard to immediately show the sympathy this cry for help deserves. The woman I love is calling me names and blaming me for everything, it hurts and I panic and don’t know what to say.
Reading your description of your meltdowns, and the others on here, is so helpful because it makes me see that you aren’t in control and might say things you don’t mean. Is that right?
The thing I struggle with the most is that after the meltdown, once we have discussed what I did wrong or how I triggered it and I’ve apologised, my wife doesn’t apologise or acknowledge the hurt I’ve felt during her meltdown. She sees her explanation of why she reacted in that way as enough
With our son, we always discuss his meltdowns and how he can make better the hurt he caused as well as why they happened and how to avoid them.
Is it reasonable to expect my wife to apologise or at least acknowledge that I’ve been hurt by the things she’s said during a meltdown or should I accept the she was out of control and not responsible for my feelings?
Any advice would be hugely appreciated.
