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Anyone else allow themselves to be picked on?

NAS63284

Hey everyone,

I am 37 and back in April I was diagnosed as being on the Autistic spectrum.

This is my first post here.

One thing I am trying to understand is why I let people pick on me?

My Dad bullies me and at work I let people get away with behavour towards me that I would challenge if I saw it directed at somebody else.

I am just trying to work out why I am so compliant? It is a good thing to be easy going. But I feel it allows me to be manipulated by people for their own ends. I guess this comes about as a consequence of not being used to standing up for yourself.

This is one of those traits I would usually just shrug my shoulders at and ignore. But about 3 weeks ago I had a mental breakdown that lasted five days. I also came close to having another flare-up in recent days. I had never had a break down before - so I found it to be a very unusual experience. And it is one thathas prompted me to analyze this part of my personality.

I was undergoing a lot of stress at work (my employer has launched a witch hunt to try and sack me),and the unprofessional behaviour directed at me by colleagues triggered a break down. My friends feel I should launch a formal complaine but I am friends with these people. My instinct is to shrug my shoulders since I don't understand the feeling of "being bullied". It is not an emotion that ever registers with me. Just as you would not feel "bullied" if a dog bit you or if a paving stone tripped you over.

I am a very opena nd easy going person. And I constantly make fun of myself and have a very strange and weird personality. So I guess I invite the perception that people can take liberties with me. And to be honest - I am cool with that.

That said - I am very confused about a lot of things at the moment. I am just curious if I am a victim of manipulation going back over my whole life (my Dad bullies me constantly - I sense he may be autistic as well). And if so - is this something that other people with autism have exeperience or recognise as a big part of their own lives?

I have no interest in getting my colleagues into trouble. I wish I could say the same about my employer - but they are out to get me. As such - I am just trying to use this experience to explore this idea and see if others have experienced similar things?

Thanks!

TomTomHarris

Parents

  • At work, my brain says no but my mouth says yes. In life, my brain says "this isn't right" but my mouth doesn't say anything. Or, my body doesn't feel right in terms of feelings,  but my brain doesn't understand why till some time later. I totally understand this delay which has been mentioned.

    I'm self-diagnosed. Asking my mum about my childhood she said I was "picked on" at primary school. Eg The girls who were my "friends" used to run away and hide from me. My mum said I didn't realise this was bad behaviour at the time. I think a non-AS child would have confronted the girls about this.

    At high school I was "picked on" (bullied) by a girl - V. I sat opposite her in one of my classes why I didn't move tables I don't know. I showed her how to draw a star because she couldnt do it. Why did I help the bully? Most other kids would have told her where to go!

    I find it difficult to articulate myself when emotions are high. My words may come out jumbled up which would only give the other side more ammunition. So maybe that's another reason why there is a delay. So I have time to formulate exactly what I want to say. (The trait of "perfectionism" in AS maybe?)

    At work i most always say yes. I never speak up if I'm not comfortable with something. Sometimes I don't realise I disagree with something till I get home.  My manager is great and I can go back to her and say ive changed my mind after its sunk in. I'm not sure how much of its to do with being a people pleaser.  I'm getting stronger but this delay makes it harder. I can't just weigh something up there and then. Asi have realised this often now say "il get back to you". I think my current anxiety episode which is taking months to get on top of is a lot down to just getting on with things at work and not speaking up as I know others would.  

    I wouldn't say I allow people to bully or pick on me or take advantage but I can totally identify with this "delay"which had been mentioned. It just takes time for me yo weigh upand realise how i ferl about something. This happens even at home. I wonder how much of it also is down to the notion that females with AS are keen to appease and comply. I also identify with whoever said they don't like the conflict if they say no!

    Go easy on yourself. I don't think anyone knowingly allows themselves to be picked on. It might be you're an easy target from their point of view and if like you say you don't understand the feeling of being bullied maybe the others pick up on this.  It sounds like there's lots of things at play here. I'm sure you will come out the other side of this with more self realisation which will help you in the future.

Reply

  • At work, my brain says no but my mouth says yes. In life, my brain says "this isn't right" but my mouth doesn't say anything. Or, my body doesn't feel right in terms of feelings,  but my brain doesn't understand why till some time later. I totally understand this delay which has been mentioned.

    I'm self-diagnosed. Asking my mum about my childhood she said I was "picked on" at primary school. Eg The girls who were my "friends" used to run away and hide from me. My mum said I didn't realise this was bad behaviour at the time. I think a non-AS child would have confronted the girls about this.

    At high school I was "picked on" (bullied) by a girl - V. I sat opposite her in one of my classes why I didn't move tables I don't know. I showed her how to draw a star because she couldnt do it. Why did I help the bully? Most other kids would have told her where to go!

    I find it difficult to articulate myself when emotions are high. My words may come out jumbled up which would only give the other side more ammunition. So maybe that's another reason why there is a delay. So I have time to formulate exactly what I want to say. (The trait of "perfectionism" in AS maybe?)

    At work i most always say yes. I never speak up if I'm not comfortable with something. Sometimes I don't realise I disagree with something till I get home.  My manager is great and I can go back to her and say ive changed my mind after its sunk in. I'm not sure how much of its to do with being a people pleaser.  I'm getting stronger but this delay makes it harder. I can't just weigh something up there and then. Asi have realised this often now say "il get back to you". I think my current anxiety episode which is taking months to get on top of is a lot down to just getting on with things at work and not speaking up as I know others would.  

    I wouldn't say I allow people to bully or pick on me or take advantage but I can totally identify with this "delay"which had been mentioned. It just takes time for me yo weigh upand realise how i ferl about something. This happens even at home. I wonder how much of it also is down to the notion that females with AS are keen to appease and comply. I also identify with whoever said they don't like the conflict if they say no!

    Go easy on yourself. I don't think anyone knowingly allows themselves to be picked on. It might be you're an easy target from their point of view and if like you say you don't understand the feeling of being bullied maybe the others pick up on this.  It sounds like there's lots of things at play here. I'm sure you will come out the other side of this with more self realisation which will help you in the future.

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