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Anyone else allow themselves to be picked on?

NAS63284

Hey everyone,

I am 37 and back in April I was diagnosed as being on the Autistic spectrum.

This is my first post here.

One thing I am trying to understand is why I let people pick on me?

My Dad bullies me and at work I let people get away with behavour towards me that I would challenge if I saw it directed at somebody else.

I am just trying to work out why I am so compliant? It is a good thing to be easy going. But I feel it allows me to be manipulated by people for their own ends. I guess this comes about as a consequence of not being used to standing up for yourself.

This is one of those traits I would usually just shrug my shoulders at and ignore. But about 3 weeks ago I had a mental breakdown that lasted five days. I also came close to having another flare-up in recent days. I had never had a break down before - so I found it to be a very unusual experience. And it is one thathas prompted me to analyze this part of my personality.

I was undergoing a lot of stress at work (my employer has launched a witch hunt to try and sack me),and the unprofessional behaviour directed at me by colleagues triggered a break down. My friends feel I should launch a formal complaine but I am friends with these people. My instinct is to shrug my shoulders since I don't understand the feeling of "being bullied". It is not an emotion that ever registers with me. Just as you would not feel "bullied" if a dog bit you or if a paving stone tripped you over.

I am a very opena nd easy going person. And I constantly make fun of myself and have a very strange and weird personality. So I guess I invite the perception that people can take liberties with me. And to be honest - I am cool with that.

That said - I am very confused about a lot of things at the moment. I am just curious if I am a victim of manipulation going back over my whole life (my Dad bullies me constantly - I sense he may be autistic as well). And if so - is this something that other people with autism have exeperience or recognise as a big part of their own lives?

I have no interest in getting my colleagues into trouble. I wish I could say the same about my employer - but they are out to get me. As such - I am just trying to use this experience to explore this idea and see if others have experienced similar things?

Thanks!

TomTomHarris

Parents

  • I was bullied at school throughout Primary, Middle and High School.

    However I think this goes beyond bullying; I will go out of my way to make sure I'm complicit to ensure others benefit. I've always been the one who will walk if there's only room to give so many a lift; or let everyone else choose first and leave myself with the bun I don't really like; or stand to let everyone else sit. The list is endless.

    I'll always try and keep the peace. I can't handle confrontation and will do things to prevent it happening. When my daughter was going through her teens and arguing a fair bit with my wife, I'd be the one that would secretly be doing my daughter's jobs such as the dish washer to prevent confrontation. My passiveness/weakness knows no bounds. I seem to have spent my entire life saying "I'll do it."

    Work colleagues have said things in the past that I should have stood up to and haven't. Sadly I've not challenged it to just ensure a quiet life.

    Seems to be a bit of a trait judging by the responses.

  • in reply to NAS61891

    Yeah - this is why I don't think "bullied" i quite the right word. Because you are complicit in how others treat you. It seems to be a trait of Autism that yuo are so over-accomodating of other's needs that you practically invite others to repeatedly cross the line in how they treat you.

    It takes two to tango. As such - I feel like blaming myself more than anyone else when I analyze how others treat me. Then again others tell me it is basic human deceny not to take advantage of others just because they allow you to get away with it.

    I keep going round in circles on this issue.

    Anyway - thanks for your response. It i definitely one I can relate to.

    TomTomHarris

Reply
  • in reply to NAS61891

    Yeah - this is why I don't think "bullied" i quite the right word. Because you are complicit in how others treat you. It seems to be a trait of Autism that yuo are so over-accomodating of other's needs that you practically invite others to repeatedly cross the line in how they treat you.

    It takes two to tango. As such - I feel like blaming myself more than anyone else when I analyze how others treat me. Then again others tell me it is basic human deceny not to take advantage of others just because they allow you to get away with it.

    I keep going round in circles on this issue.

    Anyway - thanks for your response. It i definitely one I can relate to.

    TomTomHarris

Children
  • in reply to NAS63284

    Just to add as well I won't commit on decisions. I always sit on the fence. Even things like what do I want for tea will result in me giving a non-committal response.

    I think it's a safety barrier so that if I say x and the decision is y it will leave me feeling weakened and vulnerable. Also I'm just not very good at making decisions. I never seem to have strong opinions on things unless it's something I'm passionate about related to my obsessiveness; e.g. cruelty to wildlife. Day to day things just don't seem important enough to have opinions on. I think this can all lead to being manipulated.