Anyone else allow themselves to be picked on?

Oh wow! The first 3 quarters of this described me! I didnt think of it as an asd trait but maybe just me. Work colleagues had to tell me I was being bullied by my boss and manager. I was super anxious there and worked so hard but I was always getting pulled into a meeting room and yelled at. It was too much 3 people yelling st me at once I'd just sit in silence theyd be telling me to talk but i couldnt physically talk. One time i was so over helmed i burst into tears and left as i felt so over whelmed. It was after a colleague pointed it out i decided to start keeping evidence. So next time they pulled me in as I'd left a blank space in an email instead of the one space at the end before my signature there were 2. Theyd highlighted it and wrote why would you do this. I asked to keep the print out as evidence. I also stated I wanted my colleague to attend said meetings with me and that I'd record them. No more 'meetings' but they did make my working time unbearable until I quit. I did also tell the manager I may be autistic but it made her worse. Joys of working for a small company. I completed my tasks well above expectations yet was a target. 

I dont understand the joy people take from bullying.

I'm also too open, I'll answer any question honestly. Over the years I've had so many bad experiences where I didnt know what to do. This lead to me being so confused I tried taking my own life twice. When I googled my issues, autism kept coming up! I was 37 by then.

A few of my experiences for example....

I was expecting my mum to visit and as she travelled far she arrived very early morning usually. 6am a knock so I answer, a lady says shes having a panic attack can she come in. I say I'll call help but she talks me into letting her in. She stays in my home, I try telling her to go I fail. I panic as I dont know what to do. I'm overwhelmed. Police are emergency only this isnt emergency so I cant call I dont know what to do. 

Eventually after taking any food and alcohol she can find she leaves. I'm a nervous wreck.

My husband who works away from home a month at a time suggests I make friends with a neighbour who has children as I'm lonely. Again I cant say no.shes very pushy. If I pretend I'm out she dont go away and waits outside. Manages to take my food and bring her family to be fed. Why cant I say no I'm not comfortable but am I scared I dont know what to do. She may also be stealing from me. I eventually move just to get out of the situation. Firstly living on floors until I find a place. 

All these years I beat myself up thinking why cant I stick up for myself. But now I'm finally finding my feet. I've started saying no or I need to think about it first. I know my limitations. People hate that I now say no but I dont care as that means they arent worth my time

I'm scared by memories as that's 2 of my milder experiences. But if I'd of had help I could of coped better

I don't understand at all why people are so horrible at work, and why they need to bully people.  I raised what was happening to me formally, and I have kept documentation of everything.  People say I do really well to stand up for myself, but I don't think I do at all.  I have raised the problem formally, which has made it all worse, maybe because there is a more structured process?, but I can't just say during the time I'm being bullied that it's not acceptable.  I HATE confrontation, and I don't know how to raise things, especially with people I'm not comfortable with.  I've been thinking over the last few weeks I can see why on a lot of the advice for managing an autistic employee websites they say having a workplace mentor or buddy might help.  I've always worked really hard and like to try hard and take pride in what I do, but an overbearing manager can hinder everything and I just shut down.  And like you, I'm often too honest and open, if I'm asked something specifically, I answer.  I don't lie or try and think of the correct answer, I just answer.  I've learnt, and been warned, that HR are definitely NOT there to help you, they are there for the managers only, so stop being so open and honest with them when they ask questions.  I just don't get all of it.  

That's scary letting someone in like that, but I can see myself doing the same. And then hating myself after for being so stupid and worrying about it constantly.  And again I'd be the same as you with a pushy neighbour like that!  I'd be so angry inside, but not sure how to deal with it or what to do, and not wanting any confrontation.  I don't understand it, why it's so difficult to deal with these things.  My mums had to come and sort situations out for me when people have taken advantage, or when I've been in dangerous situations.

I hate where I've moved to as thereshouses behind us used for drug takers and people with severe mental health issues. You hear them yelling, can smell drugs sometimes and occasionally they wander round past my house. But on the other hand I finally have one neighbour I can trust! She doesnt take advantage at all. I've opened up to her that I may be autistic and I struggle to know if people are joking or serious. I also forget what people look like so I had to explain to her as I'd not seen her when out one day. Her parents live next to her and I trust them too! Their genuinely nice people with no hidden agenda. Shes also warned me about people! She dont try to come around and we chat in the garden sometimes it's perfect! 

I beat myself up so many times about my past as theres so much more and so much worse I've gone through but dont know why.

It's good you have your mum. I've never fitted in with my family and felt adopted. Eventually I gave up. I tried talking g to her about possibly having autism but she replied theres no such thing as autism

I hate where I've moved to as thereshouses behind us used for drug takers and people with severe mental health issues. You hear them yelling, can smell drugs sometimes and occasionally they wander round past my house. But on the other hand I finally have one neighbour I can trust! She doesnt take advantage at all. I've opened up to her that I may be autistic and I struggle to know if people are joking or serious. I also forget what people look like so I had to explain to her as I'd not seen her when out one day. Her parents live next to her and I trust them too! Their genuinely nice people with no hidden agenda. Shes also warned me about people! She dont try to come around and we chat in the garden sometimes it's perfect! 

I beat myself up so many times about my past as theres so much more and so much worse I've gone through but dont know why.

It's good you have your mum. I've never fitted in with my family and felt adopted. Eventually I gave up. I tried talking g to her about possibly having autism but she replied theres no such thing as autism

I think you will find the experience of discussing your life with an assessor who really would understand everything you spoke about an entirely different affair and get a hell of a lot more out of it than your reluctance to go through it all again would seem to indicate.

In Short: Go For It!

I had never felt before that anyone "got" exactly who I am and I had that feeling right from the start. Nearly everything I had heard in the past about my "difficulties" from health care professionals-with the honourable exception of my current practice-just seemed like so many platitudes and their frequent offers of Seroxat-type anti-depressants felt more and more of an insult. The assessment process is a lot more thorough and you will be encouraged to speak freely-which I urge you most strongly to do. This is the rarest of opportunities, you have the possibility of acquiring some truly life-changing knowledge and get some answers to the million and one questions you must have about the way your life has panned out the way it has.

Maybe I was lucky with my assessor, I went in alone and felt very much at ease throughout. I can't promise the same for you but I really do think that it is worth going through with as you will get to understand yourself a little better whatever the diagnosis and that is of great value in itself and something you can build upon. It will be a long process but worth every single step because you will be able to change your life, your greater self-knowledge will make you a more focussed and positive human being..

This will sound strange but I can explain on here about my struggles, if someone opens a post for example but if i was to say why i think im on the spectrum i struggle. My GP thinks I'm possibly Autistic but the last time I saw her there was no services. She said even if there was a diagnostic service for adults theres no support. My CBT therapist thinksI should get a diagnosis but I dont want to have to explain myself all over again yet I really want to know there is a reason for my struggles. I hope that rambling make's sense. It's good to have back up. 

that's a shame you hate it.  it's awful not liking or feeling settled where you live.  nice to have a good neighbour though!  
are you on the waiting list for an assessment?  Or spoken to your GP about how you feel?

My mum doesn't back me up on very much at all, and has absolutely no idea about autism.  But some days she randomly stands up for me on things, and when she does she really does!