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Anyone else allow themselves to be picked on?

NAS63284

Hey everyone,

I am 37 and back in April I was diagnosed as being on the Autistic spectrum.

This is my first post here.

One thing I am trying to understand is why I let people pick on me?

My Dad bullies me and at work I let people get away with behavour towards me that I would challenge if I saw it directed at somebody else.

I am just trying to work out why I am so compliant? It is a good thing to be easy going. But I feel it allows me to be manipulated by people for their own ends. I guess this comes about as a consequence of not being used to standing up for yourself.

This is one of those traits I would usually just shrug my shoulders at and ignore. But about 3 weeks ago I had a mental breakdown that lasted five days. I also came close to having another flare-up in recent days. I had never had a break down before - so I found it to be a very unusual experience. And it is one thathas prompted me to analyze this part of my personality.

I was undergoing a lot of stress at work (my employer has launched a witch hunt to try and sack me),and the unprofessional behaviour directed at me by colleagues triggered a break down. My friends feel I should launch a formal complaine but I am friends with these people. My instinct is to shrug my shoulders since I don't understand the feeling of "being bullied". It is not an emotion that ever registers with me. Just as you would not feel "bullied" if a dog bit you or if a paving stone tripped you over.

I am a very opena nd easy going person. And I constantly make fun of myself and have a very strange and weird personality. So I guess I invite the perception that people can take liberties with me. And to be honest - I am cool with that.

That said - I am very confused about a lot of things at the moment. I am just curious if I am a victim of manipulation going back over my whole life (my Dad bullies me constantly - I sense he may be autistic as well). And if so - is this something that other people with autism have exeperience or recognise as a big part of their own lives?

I have no interest in getting my colleagues into trouble. I wish I could say the same about my employer - but they are out to get me. As such - I am just trying to use this experience to explore this idea and see if others have experienced similar things?

Thanks!

TomTomHarris

Parents

  • I too know all about bullying (being on the receiving end, that is) I attribute it to the fact that I was absolutely hated by my father-who somehow managed to convince himself that I was not his son despite our obvious physical similarities.This was from birth literally as he initially refused to allow my mother to bring me home for a week after I was born and so I was left alone there for the whole time-please don't weep for me, I know others who had it a lot worse.. He was very violent and generally abusive and there was nobody to turn to for help and I had no friends-anybody I knew stayed well away from our house. I think I taught myself not to feel very much, to ignore the pain from my frequent vicious beatings and bury the regular humiliations somewhere deep as a self-defence mechanism. It is this mechanism which prevents me from really taking in what is going on around me and happening to me, it's easier not to care-or at least not show that I care. This "Denial of Self" is what makes it so easy for the cheap, casual bully to start , I tell myself I do not need a defensive shell, that I can stick it out and take all of the abuse they care to level at me and perhaps, in time they will tire of it and either just give up or start picking on someone else but it never works out like that, the bullying is one of the main reasons I find it so much easier to be alone, it is  not the only reason  by any means as it is simply one of the many consequences of my upbringing and my autistic condition, unfortunately, this has carried on throughout my life and I find it very difficult to defend myself as I am never sure when I am being simply teased or really being taken the p%%% out of, this makes me a figure of fun which then turns into derision and contempt because I am seen as someone who is too scared to stand up for himself, I would say that this is not the case, I just don't ever seem able to grasp what is going on until it is too late and feel I am in a perpetual " No Win" situation because whatever I say or do can be turned into something which the low-life's I seem to encounter everywhere can make into something to hurl back at me.

    Now I am diagnosed with autism I am trying ( rather desperately ) to put some distance between that old self and the new one which wants to emerge. It is not easy , I have been trying to get out there and engage with people but as I never get anything other than the same responses I have known all of my life it is very discouraging.

    I don't see any way out of it as the patterns of behaviour I have adopted (for mere survival) are so well-entrenched, we are only here ONCE though so despite my deep misgivings about the whole damned farce and the sheer and utter pointlessness of it all, I am determined to find at least some contentment and peace of mind before I die so I'll just keep trying.................

Reply

  • I too know all about bullying (being on the receiving end, that is) I attribute it to the fact that I was absolutely hated by my father-who somehow managed to convince himself that I was not his son despite our obvious physical similarities.This was from birth literally as he initially refused to allow my mother to bring me home for a week after I was born and so I was left alone there for the whole time-please don't weep for me, I know others who had it a lot worse.. He was very violent and generally abusive and there was nobody to turn to for help and I had no friends-anybody I knew stayed well away from our house. I think I taught myself not to feel very much, to ignore the pain from my frequent vicious beatings and bury the regular humiliations somewhere deep as a self-defence mechanism. It is this mechanism which prevents me from really taking in what is going on around me and happening to me, it's easier not to care-or at least not show that I care. This "Denial of Self" is what makes it so easy for the cheap, casual bully to start , I tell myself I do not need a defensive shell, that I can stick it out and take all of the abuse they care to level at me and perhaps, in time they will tire of it and either just give up or start picking on someone else but it never works out like that, the bullying is one of the main reasons I find it so much easier to be alone, it is  not the only reason  by any means as it is simply one of the many consequences of my upbringing and my autistic condition, unfortunately, this has carried on throughout my life and I find it very difficult to defend myself as I am never sure when I am being simply teased or really being taken the p%%% out of, this makes me a figure of fun which then turns into derision and contempt because I am seen as someone who is too scared to stand up for himself, I would say that this is not the case, I just don't ever seem able to grasp what is going on until it is too late and feel I am in a perpetual " No Win" situation because whatever I say or do can be turned into something which the low-life's I seem to encounter everywhere can make into something to hurl back at me.

    Now I am diagnosed with autism I am trying ( rather desperately ) to put some distance between that old self and the new one which wants to emerge. It is not easy , I have been trying to get out there and engage with people but as I never get anything other than the same responses I have known all of my life it is very discouraging.

    I don't see any way out of it as the patterns of behaviour I have adopted (for mere survival) are so well-entrenched, we are only here ONCE though so despite my deep misgivings about the whole damned farce and the sheer and utter pointlessness of it all, I am determined to find at least some contentment and peace of mind before I die so I'll just keep trying.................

Children