I Think My Boyfriend May Have High Functioning Autism

Let me add***** this is not the reason I suspect he is HFA, there’s a lot of other signs this is just what I’m currently struggling with 

My boyfriend and I have only been together for about 4 months and I suspect he has HFA. He definitely isn’t aware of it. It’s almost like he’s afraid to be vulnerable with me and any discussion about feelings and emotion is very hard for him. 

I never get reassurance about how he feels about me and that’s been so difficult. He shows his affection for me physically like holding my hand and kissing me often, being very aware of me, but never verbally. We’ve talked about it and he says he knows he doesn’t show emotion and it’s difficult for him to, but he’s working on it. And I don’t want to force him to do that if it makes him uncomfortable but I also need some kind of reassurance. 

Any kind of conversation about anything deeper than surface level is also hard. He doesn’t start the conversation, ever, and when I do, he closes it off if it’s a deeper subject. He does it unintentionally for sure. I told him he can be comfortable with me and he says he is he’s just not good at showing emotion or being vulnerable.

Hes a very introverted person, he’s shy in social situations, and I think he has a hard time understanding how I feel and knowing what I need. I personally have no idea what to do, how to bring it up to him, or anything. I just need him to be more attentive to me show more love pretty much. Needing advice. I feel like I’ve left out some detail too so if you have questions please ask away. 

Parents
  • I think my boyfriend does too. We are in early stages . Yes I get the needing reassurance thing too. Personally I read between the lines a lot. When we got to end of first normal half term together I just said “ can I ask you a question ?’ And asked how he felt things were going. Not how much does he love me .. For him to say “ yes I have struggled at times and felt a bit suffocated , but like seeing you so have wanted to get past that feeling “ is huge. My response was please please please say if you’re feeling suffocated -ok to have those feelings . We’re both busy teachers so term life is busy . He’s one of the sweetest people I have ever met . In the first flush of our relationship he used the word love and was more expressive . He doesn’t now, but will talk more in the future about us. It’s new to me , I know I have had very codependent relationships in the past and want to get past my stuff too. 

Reply
  • I think my boyfriend does too. We are in early stages . Yes I get the needing reassurance thing too. Personally I read between the lines a lot. When we got to end of first normal half term together I just said “ can I ask you a question ?’ And asked how he felt things were going. Not how much does he love me .. For him to say “ yes I have struggled at times and felt a bit suffocated , but like seeing you so have wanted to get past that feeling “ is huge. My response was please please please say if you’re feeling suffocated -ok to have those feelings . We’re both busy teachers so term life is busy . He’s one of the sweetest people I have ever met . In the first flush of our relationship he used the word love and was more expressive . He doesn’t now, but will talk more in the future about us. It’s new to me , I know I have had very codependent relationships in the past and want to get past my stuff too. 

Children
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