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I Think My Boyfriend May Have High Functioning Autism

NAS63143

Let me add***** this is not the reason I suspect he is HFA, there’s a lot of other signs this is just what I’m currently struggling with 

My boyfriend and I have only been together for about 4 months and I suspect he has HFA. He definitely isn’t aware of it. It’s almost like he’s afraid to be vulnerable with me and any discussion about feelings and emotion is very hard for him. 

I never get reassurance about how he feels about me and that’s been so difficult. He shows his affection for me physically like holding my hand and kissing me often, being very aware of me, but never verbally. We’ve talked about it and he says he knows he doesn’t show emotion and it’s difficult for him to, but he’s working on it. And I don’t want to force him to do that if it makes him uncomfortable but I also need some kind of reassurance. 

Any kind of conversation about anything deeper than surface level is also hard. He doesn’t start the conversation, ever, and when I do, he closes it off if it’s a deeper subject. He does it unintentionally for sure. I told him he can be comfortable with me and he says he is he’s just not good at showing emotion or being vulnerable.

Hes a very introverted person, he’s shy in social situations, and I think he has a hard time understanding how I feel and knowing what I need. I personally have no idea what to do, how to bring it up to him, or anything. I just need him to be more attentive to me show more love pretty much. Needing advice. I feel like I’ve left out some detail too so if you have questions please ask away. 

Parents

  • Congratulations of having potentially a partner on the spectrum.  Lucky you! He may be shy, find some conversation a little confusing or articulate his feelings verbally at times but... there are tremendous benefits if you look at the research

    • Loyalty. Most of the time we just plum don’t leave people unless there’s a good reason for it. 
    • Less concerned with social perception. 
    • Stability. Most of us really like our routine, so if you’ve got a routine with your Autistic partner! 
    • Compassion. Put away that tired old (and incorrect!) stereotype about the majority of Autistics lacking empathy, it’s bunk for the most part. There’s a plethora of compassion, but it’s shown in a different way. There’s a deep well of compassion in many Autistics I’ve known, although it’s rarely expressed in ways that Allistics try to show compassion.
    • Fewer ulterior motives. Don’t get me wrong, this is a heavy “If you’ve met one Autistic…” upside.
    • Conversation is rarely dull. We’re probably less interested in talking about mutual acquaintances and would rather get into the meat of conversations. 
    • And, for some, sex is incredible. Obviously sensory issues are a concern and it requires some communication beforehand to figure out where are the best and worst places to touch (and really, you should be having these same talks with Allistic partners, so.) But for those who like sex, sometimes the increased sensory sensitivity can be a bonus.

    :)

Reply

  • Congratulations of having potentially a partner on the spectrum.  Lucky you! He may be shy, find some conversation a little confusing or articulate his feelings verbally at times but... there are tremendous benefits if you look at the research

    • Loyalty. Most of the time we just plum don’t leave people unless there’s a good reason for it. 
    • Less concerned with social perception. 
    • Stability. Most of us really like our routine, so if you’ve got a routine with your Autistic partner! 
    • Compassion. Put away that tired old (and incorrect!) stereotype about the majority of Autistics lacking empathy, it’s bunk for the most part. There’s a plethora of compassion, but it’s shown in a different way. There’s a deep well of compassion in many Autistics I’ve known, although it’s rarely expressed in ways that Allistics try to show compassion.
    • Fewer ulterior motives. Don’t get me wrong, this is a heavy “If you’ve met one Autistic…” upside.
    • Conversation is rarely dull. We’re probably less interested in talking about mutual acquaintances and would rather get into the meat of conversations. 
    • And, for some, sex is incredible. Obviously sensory issues are a concern and it requires some communication beforehand to figure out where are the best and worst places to touch (and really, you should be having these same talks with Allistic partners, so.) But for those who like sex, sometimes the increased sensory sensitivity can be a bonus.

    :)

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