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I Think My Boyfriend May Have High Functioning Autism

NAS63143

Let me add***** this is not the reason I suspect he is HFA, there’s a lot of other signs this is just what I’m currently struggling with 

My boyfriend and I have only been together for about 4 months and I suspect he has HFA. He definitely isn’t aware of it. It’s almost like he’s afraid to be vulnerable with me and any discussion about feelings and emotion is very hard for him. 

I never get reassurance about how he feels about me and that’s been so difficult. He shows his affection for me physically like holding my hand and kissing me often, being very aware of me, but never verbally. We’ve talked about it and he says he knows he doesn’t show emotion and it’s difficult for him to, but he’s working on it. And I don’t want to force him to do that if it makes him uncomfortable but I also need some kind of reassurance. 

Any kind of conversation about anything deeper than surface level is also hard. He doesn’t start the conversation, ever, and when I do, he closes it off if it’s a deeper subject. He does it unintentionally for sure. I told him he can be comfortable with me and he says he is he’s just not good at showing emotion or being vulnerable.

Hes a very introverted person, he’s shy in social situations, and I think he has a hard time understanding how I feel and knowing what I need. I personally have no idea what to do, how to bring it up to him, or anything. I just need him to be more attentive to me show more love pretty much. Needing advice. I feel like I’ve left out some detail too so if you have questions please ask away. 

Parents

  • You may be inadvertently asking him to define something that is abstract - "How much do you love me?" - Errrrr - dunno.  It will cause an internal processing glitch while he sorts through thousands of combinations trying to find an answer that best fits the situation - unfortunately, the time taken to do this processing means the conversation stops and then you will be annoyed at not getting the answer you're expecting.  

    This will cause further processing problems for him as the request has changed and your apparent emotion has changed half way through.

    Social situations are the same thing - so many random, unpredictable events and expectations that he will be overloaded trying to please everyone with conflicting data.

    Try writing to him to give him time to process an answer or chat with him and be very explicit in what your needs are but keep any emotion out of the discussion so he can absorb the plain data.  

    Visible emotions will confuse the conversation.

Reply

  • You may be inadvertently asking him to define something that is abstract - "How much do you love me?" - Errrrr - dunno.  It will cause an internal processing glitch while he sorts through thousands of combinations trying to find an answer that best fits the situation - unfortunately, the time taken to do this processing means the conversation stops and then you will be annoyed at not getting the answer you're expecting.  

    This will cause further processing problems for him as the request has changed and your apparent emotion has changed half way through.

    Social situations are the same thing - so many random, unpredictable events and expectations that he will be overloaded trying to please everyone with conflicting data.

    Try writing to him to give him time to process an answer or chat with him and be very explicit in what your needs are but keep any emotion out of the discussion so he can absorb the plain data.  

    Visible emotions will confuse the conversation.

Children
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