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Post Diagnosis Blues

Kitsune

This is a bit of a delayed reaction as I was actually diagnosed last December. I thought that I’d managed to avoid being too emotionally ‘affected’ by the diagnosis. However, I’ve had a bit of a vulnerable feeling creeping up on me for the past couple of weeks and it’s hit me full thwack today! I’m struggling with how autism makes me and I’m struggling with how the combined effect of brain injury plus autism makes me. I feel like the most stupid person in the world right now, someone who just goes through life blindly trusting people, always trying to see the best in people, never able to see when people are just playing me. I usually always try to keep positive and upbeat but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by how socially naive my dual neurological diagnosis makes me. 

  • in reply to Roswell

    Thank you. My post wasn't really aimed at anyone in particular. It's more about myself, my own naivety and vulnerability. I always try to help people and cheer them up when they're having a hard time because it's in my nature to do so.

    I just get frustrated with myself sometimes, that I don't engage my brain before I say things, that I am so totally clueless when it comes to people. Some one told me years ago that I was a joke and that's honestly what a feel like right now, a joke. A joke that talks far too much about things she shouldn't and totally can't read other people. 

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Thank you. I'm usually good at reframing things in my own head, I'm just feeling a bit rubbish and sorry for myself at the moment. It'll pass.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you.

    I'm slowly realising that trying to fit into the normal world really doesn't work for me. It's odd because after the brain injury, I became fixated on recovering as well as possible and still being as 'normal' as possible. Whereas this time round, after an autism diagnosis, I'm like pah! what's the point in even trying to be normal?! It's not really going to happen is it?!

    We do have some positives to the way our brains work.

    I think only spending time with people who are good for us is sensible, there's no point spending time with negative people.

    I know myself well, it's just other people that I struggle with.

    I'll second that :-)

    That's good advice, perhaps it's time for a life review!

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    I really like the none-judgemental part of your reply this is a great thing to have. I always give people a chance no matter what others say.

  • yeah  I get that totally. I'm in a bit of a down phase at the mo, and am almost at the 1 year anniversary (maybe that's partly why...). I'm struggling to decide whether I am naive, care too much, others are too blase, care too little, can't decide if people are fobbing me off or just busy, keep doubting myself, etc etc

  • You've cheered me and many others here up many a time Kitsun. I'm really sorry someone/some people have betrayed your trust.

    It does really hurt when you try to be nice and give people the benefit of the doubt and they then treat you unfairly.

  • What Plastic said - look at the positives. Also, reframe what you've said in a positive way:

    'Blindly trusting' = 'Genuine and treats others the way I would like to be treated"

    'Trying to see the best in people' = 'Non-judgemental"

    'Socially naive' = 'Refreshingly innocent (in a good way) and not constrained by social conventions'

  • I totally understand how you feel.

    Actually being aware of our shortcomings and that we cannot easily fit in to the normal world and how vulnerable we really are to manipulators and how gauche we can be in social situations is enough to make us hide indoors and never come out.

    We also have a long list of positives which makes us strong.

    I've spent a lot of time analysing my pros and cons since diagnosis and I decided that I will only spend time with positive people who actually 'like' me and want to spend time with me.

    I 'know' myself better than most NTs know themselves.   I have honour and integrity.

    All the users, manipulators, bullies, judgemental people, fakes and liars can go screw themselves.

    Take the time to know yourself and decide which parts of your life you like - and dump all the bits that offer you no positives.