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Post Diagnosis Blues

Kitsune

This is a bit of a delayed reaction as I was actually diagnosed last December. I thought that I’d managed to avoid being too emotionally ‘affected’ by the diagnosis. However, I’ve had a bit of a vulnerable feeling creeping up on me for the past couple of weeks and it’s hit me full thwack today! I’m struggling with how autism makes me and I’m struggling with how the combined effect of brain injury plus autism makes me. I feel like the most stupid person in the world right now, someone who just goes through life blindly trusting people, always trying to see the best in people, never able to see when people are just playing me. I usually always try to keep positive and upbeat but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by how socially naive my dual neurological diagnosis makes me. 

Parents

  • Must be something in the water at the moment (or maybe it's the heat?) I'm bumping along on zero spoons today...

    Picked up my official diagnosis report today too so I guess that has an impact.

    So fed-up with autism right now, I just 'want my life back'...

    Going to take a break from the forums I think.

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Yeah, I think there's been a few of us feeling a bit rubbish on here this week. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling too!

    The report can be very difficult to read. It does what it's supposed to do in that it gives detailed evidence of autism spectrum disorder but I found mine extremely personal and it was difficult to read my deficits as perceived by another person. Reading mine cut me deep, it hurt! Are you finding your report a difficult read?

    It's natural that you're going to feel a bit conflicted at the moment, I guess that while you may have sought this diagnosis and there were reasons for that, it's also a lot to take in when you get it confirmed in writing that yes you are autistic. It's something that I'm still coming to terms with and that will probably take me a while to fully come to terms with.

    I can see why you might feel like taking a break from the forums but I hope you stay, there are many people here who have been through the experience of being diagnosed as an adult and have been at the point of feeling how you feel now. This forum can be an invaluable source of support to you over the coming months and years as you get your head around 'being autistic'.

  • in reply to Kitsune

    Thanks - I haven't even read the report yet... just can't face it feeling like this.

    Session today with my psychologist was supposed to be to go through it but she could see I was struggling (my eyes were a bit leaky) so we talked about what can be done to support me and 'functional utility' rather than going over all the negative stuff that's been said in previous sessions anyway.

    I think maybe these reports need 2 halves - the 'diagnosis by deficit' part then a 'But hey! They are AWESOME at this stuff!' part.

    Just feeling 'broken' right now... a crisis point lead me to seek diagnosis and I've been told I've basically got another 4 or 5 decades of the same *** ahead of me...

    I'll be OK, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon...

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Aw! It’s not pleasant reading the report is it! 

    It is you in the context of Autism it isn’t the whole you. It is simply one of the parts of the whole, it certainly isn’t the sum of the parts.

    Let me look at that link.....

    I just read through the link, it’s really beautiful, I can see the point that it’s making too.

    I think that regardless of your diagnosis, as long as you are leading a fulfilling and rewarding life, if your life works for you, then that’s all that matters :-) 

  • in reply to Kitsune

    Well, I read it -  yuck...

    Who is this rude, socially inept, naive, anxious, frustrated/angry, limited, damaged man...?

    Oh wait... ***, it's me!?

    But it isn't 'me' any more than - heavy steering, no stereo, poor fuel consumption, no airbags, noisy, expensive to maintain is a Ferrari 250GT... it leaves out all the 'desirable' aspects...

    Also, a side note on 'being happy':

    https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

    The Oatmeal is a genius and kind of my guru...

Reply Children
  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Aw! It’s not pleasant reading the report is it! 

    It is you in the context of Autism it isn’t the whole you. It is simply one of the parts of the whole, it certainly isn’t the sum of the parts.

    Let me look at that link.....

    I just read through the link, it’s really beautiful, I can see the point that it’s making too.

    I think that regardless of your diagnosis, as long as you are leading a fulfilling and rewarding life, if your life works for you, then that’s all that matters :-)