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Relationships with others on the spectrum

Jessicaaaaa

Hi everyone, 

I am a 17 year old girl and I am struggling a bit with relationships with boys - I am sorry if this is a bit TMI but I wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way.

Unlike a lot of my peers, I haven't done anything with the opposite sex, which I myself am fine about as I have no real desire or interest to. But I feel like I am being left behind from everyone else. I have high functioning autism and I put on a very good act to blend in with everyone ( very tiring!).  Is it okay/ normal to feel this way? I feel so incredibly weird and although my mum, who I love dearly, is so lovely about it I don't think she really understands.

I have met a lovely boy, he is very respectful but he, like any normal teen boy, is wanting to have sex. I feel awful and don't want to upset/disappoint him but I honestly do not know what to do! I am quite happy and fine to be on my own and just get on with life as it is hard enough without these extra stresses!

Any advice/ comments would be really welcomed x

Parents

  • It's hard (especially at your age) when you've got a lot of social pressure to do certain things for fear you're going to be 'left behind' or people are going to think you're weird/sad.

    But if you're fine by yourself, that is okay you know. Relationships are not a prerequisite to a successful happy life (much as society might try to push it as a measure of status and success). Tbh, not much is, except what makes YOU happy. That might not look like what other people think is successful or happy, but you're the one living your life so you're the one that gets to decide what you want your life to be like.

    I don't have relationships. I have had some short lived ones a while ago, but I think I've come to the conclusion it's just an added layer of complication I don't have the energy for. I've enough in my life without also having to manage someone else's feelings and needs. And to be honest, I just don't feel the need for a relationship, I am quite happy by myself. If other people think I'm weird, I really don't care (but learning not to care is something that's taken me quite a while to achieve...).

Reply

  • It's hard (especially at your age) when you've got a lot of social pressure to do certain things for fear you're going to be 'left behind' or people are going to think you're weird/sad.

    But if you're fine by yourself, that is okay you know. Relationships are not a prerequisite to a successful happy life (much as society might try to push it as a measure of status and success). Tbh, not much is, except what makes YOU happy. That might not look like what other people think is successful or happy, but you're the one living your life so you're the one that gets to decide what you want your life to be like.

    I don't have relationships. I have had some short lived ones a while ago, but I think I've come to the conclusion it's just an added layer of complication I don't have the energy for. I've enough in my life without also having to manage someone else's feelings and needs. And to be honest, I just don't feel the need for a relationship, I am quite happy by myself. If other people think I'm weird, I really don't care (but learning not to care is something that's taken me quite a while to achieve...).

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