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Relationships with others on the spectrum

Jessicaaaaa

Hi everyone, 

I am a 17 year old girl and I am struggling a bit with relationships with boys - I am sorry if this is a bit TMI but I wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way.

Unlike a lot of my peers, I haven't done anything with the opposite sex, which I myself am fine about as I have no real desire or interest to. But I feel like I am being left behind from everyone else. I have high functioning autism and I put on a very good act to blend in with everyone ( very tiring!).  Is it okay/ normal to feel this way? I feel so incredibly weird and although my mum, who I love dearly, is so lovely about it I don't think she really understands.

I have met a lovely boy, he is very respectful but he, like any normal teen boy, is wanting to have sex. I feel awful and don't want to upset/disappoint him but I honestly do not know what to do! I am quite happy and fine to be on my own and just get on with life as it is hard enough without these extra stresses!

Any advice/ comments would be really welcomed x

Parents

  • Hi Jessica,

    What you're describing sounds completely normal to me. I am 36 now but was once a 17 yr old struggling with relationships with boys (unfortunately I still struggle with them now!) and wish I had known I was autistic then, as I think I could have avoided a lot of very harmful experiences in relationships.

    I really relate to what you say about not wanting to upset or disappoint your boyfriend. But what I wish I had known a long time ago is that *your* desire has to be your guide, and if as you say, that is not what you want, it seems important that you tell him. It's possible that the relationship will end as a result but if he's as nice as you think, and given that your relationship is in its early stages, hopefully you will still be friends. And if he's unkind to you about it in any way, then he isn't so lovely after all and you're better off without him. It's great that you feel ok to be on your own, a good relationship with yourself is the most important one, it's for life after all!

    Wishing the best for you,

    A xx

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  • Hi Jessica,

    What you're describing sounds completely normal to me. I am 36 now but was once a 17 yr old struggling with relationships with boys (unfortunately I still struggle with them now!) and wish I had known I was autistic then, as I think I could have avoided a lot of very harmful experiences in relationships.

    I really relate to what you say about not wanting to upset or disappoint your boyfriend. But what I wish I had known a long time ago is that *your* desire has to be your guide, and if as you say, that is not what you want, it seems important that you tell him. It's possible that the relationship will end as a result but if he's as nice as you think, and given that your relationship is in its early stages, hopefully you will still be friends. And if he's unkind to you about it in any way, then he isn't so lovely after all and you're better off without him. It's great that you feel ok to be on your own, a good relationship with yourself is the most important one, it's for life after all!

    Wishing the best for you,

    A xx

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