Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel so exposed, and like my gender is being stolen. I just don't know what to do. I love my gender so dearly - I feel like it's the most precious thing that belongs to me - and why people want to take it from me I'll never know. I'm thinking I could have a baby to prove my femininity, I mean, it's not hard, physically, to conceive a baby, but I wouldn't be a good mother...I'm not ready to be a mother, emotionally or in any other way...I've no partner, no money, nothing, not to mention the fact that my family would be devastated if I had a baby. I've thought about having one, then proving to the world that I'd given birth and therefore am inarguably a woman, then having the baby adopted by people who would love it, but how could I ever give my child away? It would destroy me, not to mention that the child would have my genes and therefore could grow up as defective as I am (I had a lovely upbringing and feel a lot of my pain and failings are a result faulty genes) or it were ever to find out it was adopted, it could feel abandoned.
I feel like the sun is pressing into my skull, that I'm being watched. Everything hurts. And everyone thinks I'm all right.
This has pretty much been my story, for seven years, since I was diagnosed. I don't think I can go on like this. I really don't.
There are replies to this upon this Thread:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/15383/why-do-people-think-it-s-ok-to-be-autistic/
...This other Thread, Which said, generally, that If You are born Female, then No-One can debate that, and that You need not make a Baby to prove Your own Gender, and that this needs to be discussed to uncover underlying reasons why You feel this way. Autism or Depression, or thinking that You have "Defective" Genes.
Get away, if You can, from anyone who makes You feel Negative about such things, or who pressures You to do things which You do not like or want. Find instead things which make You happy, and pursue those in the face of such adversity.
(...I hope that this reply is not misunderstood as hostile by anyone... if so, I apologise. I am Female as well, with no children, and I know by now that I am not the only one here like that.)
You seem to keep missing my points. I'm being actively hurt, and no one cares. How can anyone be happy if they're being sought after and persecuted?
I've had a terrible past because of people. Counselling helps, I pay privately so maybe look into it. I pay 25 an hour one session a week when needed. Make sure their accredited and if you feel you dont like one dont be affraid to change. Love yourself dont try to please anyone. Your scars will still be there but you try to manage them with help.
Dont worry what people think
Do what makes you happy. People come and go. Their fickle creatures I can never understand.
Let go of worrying what others think of you. Spend time on yourself, do things you enjoy