Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel so exposed, and like my gender is being stolen. I just don't know what to do. I love my gender so dearly - I feel like it's the most precious thing that belongs to me - and why people want to take it from me I'll never know. I'm thinking I could have a baby to prove my femininity, I mean, it's not hard, physically, to conceive a baby, but I wouldn't be a good mother...I'm not ready to be a mother, emotionally or in any other way...I've no partner, no money, nothing, not to mention the fact that my family would be devastated if I had a baby. I've thought about having one, then proving to the world that I'd given birth and therefore am inarguably a woman, then having the baby adopted by people who would love it, but how could I ever give my child away? It would destroy me, not to mention that the child would have my genes and therefore could grow up as defective as I am (I had a lovely upbringing and feel a lot of my pain and failings are a result faulty genes) or it were ever to find out it was adopted, it could feel abandoned.
I feel like the sun is pressing into my skull, that I'm being watched. Everything hurts. And everyone thinks I'm all right.
This has pretty much been my story, for seven years, since I was diagnosed. I don't think I can go on like this. I really don't.
There are replies to this upon this Thread:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/15383/why-do-people-think-it-s-ok-to-be-autistic/
...This other Thread, Which said, generally, that If You are born Female, then No-One can debate that, and that You need not make a Baby to prove Your own Gender, and that this needs to be discussed to uncover underlying reasons why You feel this way. Autism or Depression, or thinking that You have "Defective" Genes.
Get away, if You can, from anyone who makes You feel Negative about such things, or who pressures You to do things which You do not like or want. Find instead things which make You happy, and pursue those in the face of such adversity.
(...I hope that this reply is not misunderstood as hostile by anyone... if so, I apologise. I am Female as well, with no children, and I know by now that I am not the only one here like that.)