Published on 12, July, 2020
I hear a lot about masking, but I'm not aware of myself consciously and deliberately doing that. I wonder however. Can masking be a subconscious/reflex thing rather than something that you purposely do?
Masking: presenting oneself differently in one’s behaviour, in order to hide certain traits, or mimic neurotypical behaviours.
https://spectra.blog/news-views/autistic-masking-everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-passing-or-camouflaging-as-an-autist/
I've probably spent most of my life studying how to mask, can do it pretty well for a few hours at a time if the people around me are relaxed, less if they are not. It's completely exhausting, these days I take the view that I'll only mask in the interests of getting paid. When I was a child I did it to minimise bullying and try (unsuccessfully) to feel less like a nerdy loner. I think I must resent it somewhat. Can't imagine the luxury of peacefully being myself outside of being alone or with other auties.
these days I take the view that I'll only mask in the interests of getting paid
Totally
Mind you I increasingly can't be bothered even doing that much.
Oh God I hear ya! If universal credit wasn't utterly dickensian I'd be extremely tempted to throw in the towel on work right now. I was supposed to retire at 60 but the bastards keep shoving the age back - like catch 22 I think I'd be actually happy pottering around if only they'd let me retire.