Kind of freaking out silently on the inside, had all my assessments and will finally get the answer tomorrow, whether I do have autism or not according to these set of specialists.
I thought I had got to point I was okay with whatever the answer but now am not so sure.
Really scared what if this is this not the answer to I was searching for then I have wasted time and money (went private) chasing this diagnosis and back to step one as why I struggle with life so much.
If it is the answer is yes where do I go from here knowing the challenges I have had aren't just gonna go away. reading everyone elses journeys this is just the beginning.
Hi, I know how you feel, in the weeks leading up to my assessment I went from thinking that the Autism diagnosis was almost a certainty but then I started to doubt this ( I am wrong so often in my judgments of situations-and myself-it is hard to put any faith in any conclusions or resolutions I make) I realised that I had a lot of negative things going on which were rarely, if ever mentioned in these threads so I stated to fret a bit-a lot, actually! I began to think that I belonged in some bin of random, non-specific, hopeless screw-up's and that I was such an amorphous, godawful mess of an individual that it would be impossible for any consultant to find anything consistent enough to pin a label on.
Then my "Lowering Of Expectations In Line with Past Experience" mechanism came into play, it occurred to me that the assessment would be quite thorough and be conducted by a professional who really did know his/her field so even if it turned out that I was not autistic, I would have passed on enough information about myself for them to form a picture of what was really going on and be able, with any luck to identify what the real problem was and get some help with it.
You will find the experience valuable because-possibly for the first time you will find yourself listened to and fully understood, I found that being able to speak so honestly and freely about stuff I had been keeping hidden for my entire life in the confident knowledge that my assessor knew how to process and respond to what I revealed was 100% positive, Afterwards I felt a little unburdened and thought to myself that even if it was not Autism my assessor would know what it was (hopefully!) and be able to advise me on steps/treatments/counselling to deal with it so, at least some of my questions would be answered.
I am 60 and am only just diagnosed this year (I have ADD too so the difficulties I experience with my perceptions due to my Autism are multiplied by having a Scrambler for a brain, oh such fun!) so perhaps my journey won't be as long as yours.but I am looking forward to it, I know and understand myself more now than ever and feel able to grow, to stand a little straighter and not feel like an alien.
You have a lot to look forward to, sure something is not quite right but if you learn to accurately identify the causes, you will eventually learn how to counter and compensate for some-not all of them. This is your turning point, whatever the assessment, this is where your life will begin to change-it will not be easy but you will not find yourself taking so many wrong paths and your overall perception of who you really are will change. You will see yourself more positively and be more forgiving of any past failings/difficulties.
The more you give your assessor, the more they will have to work on and the more accurate will be their diagnosis so don't hold back, tell them everything, answer every question as fully as you can,be prepared to shed your skin as you will never get a better opportunity to turn your life around.
I wish you the very best tomorrow.
Yh I kept telling myself to trust the process , even if I get some answer that's better then none,As the assessments went on I was more comfortable shedding my skin because your right i was listened to and taken seriously and my issues made me less afraid to open up, I kindof learned to put barriers up to my true self.
But yep am a high functioning autistic,