Published on 12, July, 2020
In March 2019, I was given a full diagnosis of Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). It did come as a shock to both me and my family. I'd always known that I was different to my friends and a bit quieter, but I legitimately thought that was OK. It now clearly wasn't. I started University last Autumn (don't want to reveal what/where I studied at) but after I received no support for my diagnosis and mental health, everything plummeted. Emails weren't getting answered quickly and when they were, it was always on the lines of "you're lazy, you've got no brains etc". I made the decision to stop going, the environment was toxic. Some of the students were nasty towards me, often blanking me out during group work sessions or leaving me out of events for no apparent reason. I live at home with my parents. For the past few months since the diagnosis, I've realised that I'm a huge failure. I have a lifelong disability and being the only family member with a disability, I've been too ashamed to open up to anyone about how I feel, since no-one can relate to me.
I finally told some family about my diagnosis but they reacted negatively. Calling me once again "lazy" and "you didn't try hard enough." I haven't spoken to them and have even considered cutting them out of my life altogether. I have a boyfriend and been together for nearly two years. He was shocked by my diagnosis, but is still with me. I've told him all the time that I'm stupid, useless and that he should look for someone else. I've been trying to get help and support to come to terms with my diagnosis at age 20, but to no avail. Either long waiting lists, expensive private appointments or no replies to my messages. I literally have nothing left.
I'm fully convinced that I'm a total failure, the life that I truly wanted is now ruined. My education life has always been rocky from the start. This was my dream Uni and course, but I feel that I've been pushed away due to their lack of understanding. I'm generally paranoid to look for a job. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be lazy. I'M TOO ANXIOUS TOO. But I need the money. I do get some from a family member but that's not me doing it for myself.
I'm very depressed and basically, there's no hope left. I'm now in debt. Alone. Struggling. This forum posting here is a risk. I used to post on a different website but I got trolled, so here I am opening myself up again...
If someone/anyone can truly help me before this situation gets worse, I'll be eternally grateful.
Ally.
I think you effectively need to be "signed off" by your GP and then you take time out of your studies, due to ill health. Our son passed his first year at Durham (just) but left before Christmas of the second term (just couldn't live in a shared house). He approached his Tutor and University Mental Health Service and they "suspended" his studies. He started working part time this past February and has been seeing Councillor. He now has statements from the Councillor and a personal statement which he took to his GP. She has also written a statement that our son is fit to return to studies. This gets sent to the University and they now want a face to face to dicuss whether he can re-start the second year and what support he will need (you get a grant of about £2.5K that the University uses to supply you with extra help - although he didn't get any in his first year!!). The interview can be done via Skype but our son wants to travel up in person.
So you need to see a GP, contact the University mental health services, department secretary and tutors to explain everything and take it from there. You will need help (maybe medication for stress) in order to consider part time work. Your family should be more understanding, especially as you have been officially diagnosed??
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I wish that close family were more understanding, but they all have their own personal struggles going on. Since they can't really relate to my autism, I don't feel they do understand me much, which hurts.
I've tried sending more emails but the Uni academic year has ended and most likely nothing would be done until September. I'll try going back to the GP when the time is right.