Published on 12, July, 2020
In March 2019, I was given a full diagnosis of Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). It did come as a shock to both me and my family. I'd always known that I was different to my friends and a bit quieter, but I legitimately thought that was OK. It now clearly wasn't. I started University last Autumn (don't want to reveal what/where I studied at) but after I received no support for my diagnosis and mental health, everything plummeted. Emails weren't getting answered quickly and when they were, it was always on the lines of "you're lazy, you've got no brains etc". I made the decision to stop going, the environment was toxic. Some of the students were nasty towards me, often blanking me out during group work sessions or leaving me out of events for no apparent reason. I live at home with my parents. For the past few months since the diagnosis, I've realised that I'm a huge failure. I have a lifelong disability and being the only family member with a disability, I've been too ashamed to open up to anyone about how I feel, since no-one can relate to me.
I finally told some family about my diagnosis but they reacted negatively. Calling me once again "lazy" and "you didn't try hard enough." I haven't spoken to them and have even considered cutting them out of my life altogether. I have a boyfriend and been together for nearly two years. He was shocked by my diagnosis, but is still with me. I've told him all the time that I'm stupid, useless and that he should look for someone else. I've been trying to get help and support to come to terms with my diagnosis at age 20, but to no avail. Either long waiting lists, expensive private appointments or no replies to my messages. I literally have nothing left.
I'm fully convinced that I'm a total failure, the life that I truly wanted is now ruined. My education life has always been rocky from the start. This was my dream Uni and course, but I feel that I've been pushed away due to their lack of understanding. I'm generally paranoid to look for a job. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be lazy. I'M TOO ANXIOUS TOO. But I need the money. I do get some from a family member but that's not me doing it for myself.
I'm very depressed and basically, there's no hope left. I'm now in debt. Alone. Struggling. This forum posting here is a risk. I used to post on a different website but I got trolled, so here I am opening myself up again...
If someone/anyone can truly help me before this situation gets worse, I'll be eternally grateful.
Ally.
Ally, you really need to start being kind to yourself. you are neither lazy or stupid (since you got into university) and how can you be a failure because you have something over which you have no control -you could similarly say I am a failure for having brown eyes! You are a particular, individual in a rare group of people. This group is actually very gifted in many ways and many of the world's success stories come from your group. I understand Einstein was on the spectrum and if you want someone up to date, look at Greta Thunberg, the environmental advocate who, with Aspbergers and at the age of 16 has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and indeed is the Darling of most of the western world at the moment. She sees her difference as a gift but you see yours - which is the same as hers as a failure. The difference is just your attitude. You need to start seeing your difference as a gift rather than failure since you don't want to end up failing simply down to a lack of confidence and self-esteem. You can turn this around. The fact of the matter is that the people taking sideswipes at you are the ignorant ones, guilty of bigotry and the human race is programmed in general to reject that which is different, but not all people will do that - witness your boyfriend - don't try to push him away from you, you are the same person as the one before the diagnosis. A miserable person pushes folk away, smile and start fighting for yourself with the help of those who care for you and if you feel short of those, an independent advocate. This site will help you find one, and people will gravitate to you. you have a right to the help that is out there for you and the university has a duty to provide. Keep all correspondence as evidence of your request for assistance and I would start threatening if they don't start coming up with the help you need. I would not give another thought to those who are being negative towards you - ditch them as they are not worthy of you. Don't waste emotional energy on them. I am the mum of a 22 year old son with Aspergers, His Dad has Aspbergers and I cherish everything about them and admire them something rotten because they are not the ridiculously shallow individuals that many youngsters are and they are very clever. You have come to the right site fr support. The fact of the matter is that you have only recently had your diagnosis and it has understandably come as a shock to you. Spend some time doing some research because knowledge will lessen your fear. Attending University is a big change and many people on the ASD find change a difficult thing to manage so you have had a lot to cope with. Start loving yourself, stop panicking, and if push come to shove ask for to re- start the course next year to get yourself into a better, place. Dont give up the thing you have worked for and that you love so easily. Use this site you help yourself and fight for your right then dare anyone to call you a failure! I'm rooting for you
I generally wish that I could be kinder about myself, but due to these circumstances, I can't. As a grown adult, who has now had to watch all of her old classmates graduating from Uni and/or getting top jobs, I generally feel like I don't belong anywhere. I am planning to threaten my Uni with legal action due to them refusing to help me finish year one of my course at least. I truly wished I hadn't bothered returning to education. It's never a level playing field. I'm glad I found out about this site, after lots of searching around for a UK based forum.
Dont be so defeatist! this is but a small fraction of your life so far. Many people come back to education later in life. My own daughter is nearly 29 and is just finishing her degree after a good few false starts, and realising like you that her peers were racing ahead in life. She is also Aspbergers. your situation is not unique . you yourself are threatening your life chances with your defeatist atitude. While the university itself is not helping matters, your success is really in your hands - it just depends on your attitude. take advantage of this site and be positive.
Just accepted your request!
Yep, me either re the site! I will attempt to work out how to friend request you! See if anything pops up...
Hi! I've looked into apprenticeships in my area but sadly I'm either too old, too far away or would have to go back to college and re-train first (since I'm over 19+, I can't afford the costs for that). I'm still looking and hoping that something does come up. I'm currently £11,000 in debt after this Uni experience.
Teachers on my old Access to HE course and members of my family, I won't say who because I don't want to get found out for posting this thread here. It's been an awful experience with my Uni. I'm still new to this site, so have no idea how everything works haha.