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Too much at the moment

mouse2

I feel everything's too much again!

As I've said before I'm not diagnosed formally.

I had I think a meltdown today :( everything's too much at the moment, I want life to stop or slow down. I'm struggling to think properly. Anxious thoughts are drowning me.

I like to know what I'm doing, what's going on, everything seems jumbled and uncertain.

Yesterday an elderly man came upto me on my allotment (my happy place I needed as I was feeling overwhelmed) I've always smiled and spoken politely. He stood by me and said hi I said hi. He then commented I should cut my raspberry canes back I said at the end of the year as they are done after the season. He then added they look messy. (I've taken on a messy not looked after plot and it needs alot of work) I walked off but he remained. Another plot holder came over and the old guy said that the other man had dumped the soil etc from his drive into my raised beds! (I've been removing the soil as it's so polluted) why did this old man feel the need to tell me that? I know I need to get rid of the soil but why tell me it's from this other man? He then stood there smiling! I just went home and cried. 

I wasent sure if i spotted a small bit of asbestos or If it was concrete so someone said whys he dump it on your plot not his now I'm worrying all the more.

I dont know if I'm overthinking I just feel it's all too much to deal with. 

That's just one of many run ins lately with people. I'm minding my own business and someone does something on purpose to hurt me and I cant work out why. I'm nice to everyone, will help anyone out.

I pretty much hate people 

  • in reply to .

    I popped to the allotment as it's my calm place usually. Thinking after 8pm I'll be alone....caught someone flytipping my allotment! So had to confront them as politely as I could and asked they removed it again. They live next to the allotments so i tried to keep it polite. :( then came home again anxious a out what else they may do.

    Thank you for your help today I'm now heading to bed. Have a good night

  • in reply to mouse2
    mouse2 said:
    I then get angry at myself for not realising what people are like

    People are indeed puzzles. The key thing is to know how to keep yourself self and to learn scripts to politely deal with them and return to your own bubble or safe place.

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    True. I have trouble working out what Inentions people have and I do jump to conclusions 

  • mouse2 said:
    someone does something on purpose to hurt me

    People don't always realise that what they think is a 'harmless' comment can be hurtful, try not to take it to heart.

  • in reply to .

    Thanks for understanding. My calm place is the allotment but as soon as I go there people come and talk to me which I dont want right now. Or my garden but smokes freaking me out. I love gardening and was helping an elderly mman who was struggling but he made some puzzling comments. When I mentioned to a neighbour he has a troubled history with women! This has also happened the last few days! I then get angry at myself for not realising what people are like

  • in reply to mouse2

    So you are hyper anxious about your anxiety and also hyper anxious about revealing your anxiety (due to parental experience).

    What do you need? What helps to centre you and settle you? - I know you also have a need to emotionally release when your internal pressure valve gets too much. There is NOTHING wrong with that.. but there are techniques you can use to recognise that at an early stage (depending on circumstance). Right now, we need to get you through where you are right now?

    Are any of the people that are causing you anxiety a frequent presence? i.e. do you bump into them frequently or occasionally?

  • in reply to .

    He tries to understand. Our sons diagnosed autistic and I've always understood our son more than my husband does. I'm not sure if it's because we are so alike. 

    My husband does struggle with my anxiety. I'm worse if I've been out and its busy. I get grumpy and cant think properly until I get to the stage I'm in tears, stimming but I can usually hold off until I'm home in my room so no one can see before I cry and stim. My parents used to hit me for stimming theyd say stop dancing about. 

    I do subtle things if I'm in public like stretch my calves, stand on tip toes, pull my thumb back, pull on my hair! Only recently found this out after it was pointed out to me. 

    We have split a few times from my anxiety and what I now know was meltdown when things got way too much :( it's only when a gp mentioned possibly autism it's made sense a bit

    Sorry for the ramble my brains working overtime 

  • in reply to mouse2

    Does your husband understand that you are anxious about this though? I hope he is able to reassure you x

  • in reply to .

    I'm also feeling stressed as a neighbour smokes weed another neighbour told me. It makes me panicky. My husband says I see stuff too black and white, stuffs either good or bad. Now when i smell smoke i shut our windows and its boiling hot at the moment :( 

  • in reply to .

    Thank you for your reply. All night I was thinking why did he say this or that, why did he smile. It's just one of many worries right now 

  • The message I believe was kind, maybe the method was too intense at the time and lacking mindfulness. 

    You may feel you hate people but you are of worth and feeling super super hypersensitive right now. Try to practice self care and you are already at doing such by reaching out here.

    Other people can be overwhelming and it takes us time to work out what they are saying, how they are saying (i.e. is it kind or malicious) and to process it all

    Keep being YOU

    x